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Showing posts from November, 2018

i warned you about this, missionary boy

you lovely people who have been reading this blog for a while might remember a blog post i wrote about endangered languages. one of the examples that i gave was the sentinel or sentinelese language, spoken by a mysterious tribe on a remote island in the indian ocean who had a tendency to violently attack anyone who strayed too close to their home. the people of north sentinel island have been living in much the same way as they do today [as far as we can tell] for sixty thousand years. think of any great civilization you've heard of; this population was there tens of thousands of years before that. a lot of places on earth were still empty of humans when these people first arrived in the place they call home today.

north sentinel island has been in the news this week because an american missionary got exactly the sort of greeting that visitors to the island have generally been given. i don't want to speak ill of the dead, except that, yes, that is exactly what i want to do in…

a probably incomplete list of truly awesome place names in newfoundland

the very first part of my family [as far as i know] to arrive in canada washed up on the shores of newfoundland. both of my grandmothers' families have been in the province for a long time, as far back as the late seventeenth century. like many of the early settlers of the area, they started out as seasonal residents. fishermen from the southern part of england would travel across the atlantic every year because the fishing was just that damn good. eventually, of course, they decided that sailing across the atlantic ocean and back every year sucked and so they decided to set up permanent homes. at that point, they discovered that winter in newfoundland really sucked but having lived through the first one, they figured they'd dealt with the worst the place could offer and remained. [note :: not all of the people who settled there remained. even those who survived didn't all remain. i just happen to be descended from the stubborn ones who decided that they weren't going…

please stop telling me i'm pregnant

i took myself to the doctor this week in order to address a group of symptoms that have been dogging me. they have to do with my lady bits, which do have a tendency to turn grumpy or murderous with age, so i wanted to make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong.

i went to my family doctor but, as i expected, he had to refer me for tests at a hospital. this requires him to give me an official referral but in order to do so, he needed me to confirm one thing:

"is there any chance that you're pregnant?"

no. there is no chance that i am pregnant. my husband has severe multiple sclerosis and is confined to bed and a wheelchair, so while intimacy is very much part of our lives, penetrative sex is an impossibility. there is absolutely no chance that i am pregnant.

he noted my response and the explanation i gave him and said he would make the referral. but first, they had to give me a pregnancy test.

say what?

it turns out that i could have said i'd been standing on …