|donald and ivanka trump. also king lear and cordelia.|
in the past week, though, i've observed something i've not seen since... well, i've really never seen it, but i never paid much attention to you: people who think like me are saying things about you that aren't entirely negative. i don't agree with them. you're still a sexist, racist, self-important fool who knows less about the world than most hamsters. but i will say that this week, you did something that i didn't expect: you sat down and talked to the senate and congressional minority leaders over chinese food.
and, from egg rolls to fortune cookies, things seem to have gone well. chuck schumer went all sally-field-at-the-oscars. nancy pelosi sent out a memo about how wonderfully it meant. of course, the memo made you look dishonest and weak, which i'm guessing was the point. i'm also guessing that you can't see through the pretty words and hopeful language to see how these two are really making a mockery of you in front of your supporters. but mocking you is exactly what they're doing. schumer and pelosi have been in politics a very long time, not just as democrats pushing a platform, but as power brokers in the backrooms, the most politic-y part of politics. in your business world, you like to think of yourself as a shark. maybe you like to think of yourself as a shark too. schumer and pelosi are seasoned fishermen who are more than capable of trapping even the greatest alpha predator. [have you seen jaws? the shark may be the most memorable part, but he ends up the loser. you don't want to be a loser, do you donald?]
senator schumer and representative pelosi are not your friends. they are two canny individuals who know that making a deal with you that forwards their agenda makes them look smarter and more capable going into congressional elections in 2018. even if they say nothing about you for the next year [and the way you're going, they won't have to], they have two more years after that to take you down. they've clearly decided that they're willing to trade a temporary boost in your popularity for electoral victories [assuming they can cobble some sort of cogent platform together] in 2018.
sorry, i've used too many words and you're confused, so let's cut to the chase: chuck and nancy aren't being nice to you because they like you; they're being nice to you because they know how to make it benefit them.
that's a hard thing to hear, i know. it's like you're lovely dinner means nothing to them. it's as if they don't even like you.
but that's ok, because you have a whole other party who can be your friends. you have your party to be your friends.
oh, wait. you don't.
you got yourself your current job excoriating the work that's been done [or promised] by the people who are now supposed to be working on your agenda. a small part of the problem is that they don't really want to implement any of the things you promised, except for killing the epa and planned parenthood. seriously, even banning brown people doesn't sit well with a lot of republicans, and they have been coasting for nearly forty years on making middle class white people afraid of dark-skinned poor people.
|angela merkel. not exactly as pictured|
i'm not sure you're fully aware of just how low an opinion other leaders have of you, but it is very, very bad. and it's not just that they don't like you, but that they think you're rather pathetic. it's not a coincidence that chancellor angela merkel has been frostier than a milkshake in a snowstorm towards you, at the same time that she's leaned closer [figuratively and literally] to her two handsome french compatriots, justin trudeau and emmanuel macron. macron's barely concealed mockery of you has provided many hours of entertainment around the world, and even the french don't like macron very much. they just like him more than you. your bellicose boasting about how america must reassert their position as the strongest nation on earth is actually having the opposite effect; other countries think america has gone bonkers and are figuring out how to work around them.
even your international bestie, vladimir putin, is showing signs of buyer's remorse about you. he was not exactly flattering when talking about your decision to pull out of the paris climate accord, and even less impressed with your pissing contest with north korea. [putin is actually the one world leader who seems to have a solid grasp of what's happening in north korea, and he's quickly emerging as the voice of reason. for once, you should reach out to him and follow his advice.]
|greer garson playing calpurnia. not me.|
all this brings me to my ultimate point, which you need to hear, but won't hear from anyone else: you have no friends. it's not totally because of your personality, although it doesn't help matters, but because you've willingly taken on a position that makes it very difficult to have friends. everyone you speak to wants something from you. everyone. there is not a single person who sees you primarily as a friend, or even a friendly acquaintance. as much as you've gone through your life secretly feeling like you're unlovable, and desperately trying to get anyone to meet to rid you of that fear, you have never been as alone as you are now. and by the way, it's only going to get worse from here.