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presidenting is hard

possibly fewer
i'm caught in a new sort of anguish. on the one hand, i'm hearing the apparent leader of the united states tell one of the world's largest journalism organisations that his new job is harder than he thought it would be, and that he assumed it would be easier than his life as a businessman [where, let's face it, he'd long since ceased to be an active daily participant] and reality television star. i mean, one look at the before and after pictures of the last three presidents should be enough evidence that, yes, the job is really goddamned hard. all three of those men began their two terms looking somewhat younger than their actual age, and left looking like elder statesmen. come on, there's a reason they do those presidential portraits right after you're elected.

on the other hand, i'm a little surprised at his candour, which is as close to the man admitting he was wrong about something as we're likely to get over the next four or, god forbid, eight years. that said, he hasn't been shy about saying that he didn't know anything when he was mouthing off during the campaign, and now that people are taking the time to explain things to him, and now that he's forced to sit and listen to them over an apparently delightful piece of chocolate cake, he's changed his mind about a few things.

earlier this week, our own prime minister had to explain the nafta agreement and the penalties to withdrawal for him and his country. [trump, true to form, spun this as the other partners convincing him to stay.] keep in mind that prime minister justin trudeau is only six years older than the donald's eponymously named son, and can't claim a whole lot more political experience than his american counterpart. having to explain a trade agreement that trump made a central feature of his electoral campaign is akin to the grandchild who has to explain the internet to a grandparent who's already been using it for two years to forward emails in support of donald trump.

there's a fine rand mcnally store in washington. it is your friend.
[side note :: i suspect that trudeau did not explain that many in canada would love to renegotiate nafta, if only to strip away some of the provisions on the energy trade. before nafta, canada's export vs. import ratio with the united states was 8 to 1. since nafta, it's fallen to 3 to 1. guys, we'll capitulate on the fucking cheese.]

angela merkel had to take the bullet as the first person to explain something to trump, when she apparently had to go over what the geneva convention was, and that it wasn't just a statement of good intentions, but conferred actual obligations on its signatories. germany, the country responsible for the last major expansion of the geneva convention, is now teaching the united states what it means.

but the weirdest spectacle of all [unfortunately not conducted in public] was chinese president xi jinping giving the cheeto benito a condensed lesson on the history of china and korea [which dates from about 108 bce]. i have to admire president xi's economy of words, since this was accomplished in about ten minutes, but the fact that the donald came out of the meeting saying that korea used to be a part of china calls the objectivity of that crash course into question.

yes, mr. trump, presidenting is hard. your avowal that all that had to be done to remedy the situation was for a strongman to push china to take on the bulk of the work always seemed jejune to those of us with functional brain cells, but it's nice to see that you're catching up. i suspect that you're
devout christian. still a bad hombre.
 about to discover that your job only gets rougher from here. and while would love to see you crash and burn like the hindenberg, i know in my heart that that would be a very bad thing.

so, in the interests of security and sanity, i am putting together what i suspect will be an ongoing series of posts on how you can president, packed with information you need to know, but organised in blog post format, with cute pictures, to make it more fun.

so, mr. so-called president, welcome to "presidenting is hard", where you will learn about all the simple things that affect your job, and even get some ideas about what you could do to fix them. [keep in mind, i have even less experience than you do, so you'll want to ask a few other people for their opinions.]

get ready to take some notes. i would suggest doing this on your phone, which will both save paper and keep you from tweeting, thus killing two birds with one stone. [note :: do not kill birds during these lessons. don't let your odious offspring go hunting the bald eagle to extinction either, since your environmental policies are probably going to legalise that bullshit.]

classes will begin shortly, and we will be starting with your current cause célèbre/ bête noire*, north korea.

*ask your buddy marine le pen what those terms mean. she has some free time on her hands.

Comments

Reading the difficulty of the job in the before and after photos of his predecessors would have required empathy, which he doesn't possess.
Kate MacDonald said…
I remember seeing a (very bad) movie about prosecutions following WWII, and one of the characters hypothesizes "Maybe that's what evil is: a lack of empathy". I'd believe it about Trump. I'd also believe that he possesses characteristics of some pretty serious mood disorders, because he seems incapable of feeling or believing anything at more than surface level.

as long as you're here, why not read more?

presidenting is hard :: nato

oh donald, i've been slacking on my promise to help you out with your duties as president. [yes, you may take a moment to giggle at the word "duties". but make it quick.]

it's not because i think you don't need the support; you are every bit as ignorant and inept as i'd feared/ expected and the erstwhile presence of "adults in the room" hasn't made you any better. it's just as well that you've dispatched of them. you weren't listening to what they said 95% of the time and on those few occasions when you did try to listen, you didn't understand what they were saying. increasingly, we're getting to see you for the complete intellectual non-entity you are and to see how someone who knows nothing about history, geography, culture or military tactics addresses the challenges of foreign policy.

the latest development on that front is that i've heard that you're planning on leaving nato. we all know that you've never be…

making faces :: written in the stars, in lipstick [part two]

it's the middle of september already? i'm not prepared for that? i mean, i am prepared for it because the heat this summer has been murder on me and i've been begging for a reprieve for months but i'm still bowled over by the speed at which time passes. this year, i've been measuring time through the launches of bite beauty's astrology collection, which arrives like the full moon once a month. [the full moon arrives every four weeks, which is less than any month except february -ed.] earlier this year, i took a look at the first four launches of the collection and already it's time to catch up with four more.

the most important thing for you to know is that after several months of problems, bite and sephora appear to have sorted out their inventory planning. for the last several releases, information has been clear and reliable as to when and where each lipstick will be available [pre-orders taken for a couple of days on bite's own website and a general…

making faces :: written in the stars, in lipstick [part three]

and lo the earth has completed another journey 'round the sun, passing through all of the signs of the zodiac. well, in lipstick terms, it won't have completed its journey until later this month when it moves from capricorn to aquarius, which is where bite beauty chose to start its turn of the wheel last year. i still feel a little unnerved that they followed the calendar rather than the astrological year [which would have meant starting their astrology collection in march with the sign of aries] but i suspect that that's because their financials also follow the calendar.

after some truly infuriating times early in the calendar and collection year, bite was able to get their inventory issues sorted, which means that all four of the lipsticks reviewed here are still available through bite's website, sephora, or both. hallelujah.

i have some thoughts on the overall collection that i'll share afterwards, but let's just get started on the final four shades of the …