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so the world hates me


i just spent over an hour- nay, over two hours- writing a lovely blog post. it was such a good blog post, you wouldn't believe it. it was the best blog post. and now it's gone. like it never existed.

fuck you, blogger. fuck you right in the ear.

because now, i've wasted two hours. now, i realise that i could have been doing something fun, or productive or basically anything other than what i've been doing, because what i've been doing essentially no longer exists.

and my butt hurts, because i've been sitting in this chair too long.

when i first moved to montreal, the movers i hired lost one thing: the box with all my writing in it. everything i wrote before i was twenty-four is gone. i still think about that a lot. it still haunts me, because it's like i found out my liver had never existed. it's supposed to be there.

and i know it was just a blog post. it wasn't going to change the world. it wasn't going to be the blog post that rocketed me to fame and fortune, but i miss it. something else took it from me. i was being careful to save as i wrote, because we've all had that blow up in our faces. but somehow, it just ceased to exist. so, for the last couple of hours, i might has well not have existed. i might as well have been taken by aliens, which would have at least made for a more interesting story than "i was writing a blog post and it disappeared".

the worst part is that this little, meaningless blog post is the only chance i've had to write anything for myself in days. i've been desperate to write, but things keep getting in the way and i don't. this was my time, blogger, and you ruined it.

so i'm leaving you with this whiny testimony just to let you know that i exist. and i've existed for the last two hours, even though no one can ever prove that.

someday i'll die and be reunited with my blog post and everything else i've lost, in the ether, for eternity. or not.

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