Skip to main content

forget your daughters, lock up your cats

it helps to have an innocent-looking accomplice
our fur-children were curious this morning when they spotted a new friend in the next building over. she's a big, beautiful girl, a dilute tortoiseshell with a lovely round face and persian-type cobby body [although she's short-haired, not persian]. she was obviously just as curious about our motley feline crew as well, sitting there for ages and watching them [mostly simon and lulu, who are always the social ones] and only leaving several minutes after they'd moved on. dom and i weren't nearly so interesting to her. and i'm almost certain that she was particularly checking out simon's butt. i know i would.

but what really concerns me here is my own reaction when i saw her. because the first thought that entered my head and stayed there for several minutes, being pondered when i saw how interested she was in my babies and they were in her was: "i wonder if i should go and take her."

i want to emphasise that this was a clean, well-fed [but not overfed] cat. she looked extremely healthy. she seemed calm and happy in her window. but most importantly, she was inside, in a third or fourth story apartment, meaning that she doesn't have to deal with the terrors of the urban outdoors. i wasn't thinking of rescuing a cat from abandonment or mistreatment. i was just thinking of plucking her out of the arms of people who probably love her for no other reason than she seemed to like looking at my fur-children.

it's bad enough that i was picturing myself shimmying up the rickety fire escape of the building next door, tearing my way through the window screen and then descending that same fire escape with a large cat in one arm undetected [like she'd just sit there as i banged and thumped my way up the iron staircase and bashed in the screen in front of her, since that would be such typical cat-like behaviour]. but consider my line of logic here: "she looked at me, so that means i should just go take her". that's the justification that rapists use. so if you scratch my feminist surface with feline claws, i am the enemy.

of course, it did eventually dawn on me that cat-napping the neighbour's baby was neither a nice nor an intelligent thing to do, but it kind of scares me that it took quite a while for what i'd term "rationality" to kick in. and i'm not sure that it wasn't because i started to think about the unpleasantness of ascending a fire escape in the 35c heat. like the main thing between me being the way i am now and me being a malevolent and chaotic force for destruction in the universe is my own laziness.

at least now i feel like i have a good defense for my laziness.

so the good news is, i didn't stalk and kidnap someone's beloved pet today. but just to be safe, if you're anywhere near where i am or where you think i might at some point be, you should keep your cats at a safe distance and behind at least one locked door. because, if it's not too much of an effort, i'm clearly a menace. 

Comments

Bellyhead said…
I hardly ever had thoughts about stealing other people's people children, but often have such thoughts about their fur babies. Is this wrong?

as long as you're here, why not read more?

long suffering

i've been meaning to write this post for a while, but, every time i get started, something happens that makes me rethink portions of it, to add or subtract or consider a different way of looking at things. the post was originally going to be my take on a #metoo statement, but i ended up making that post on my personal facebook page. [it's not that i don't love you all, but there are a few things i'm not comfortable putting in the entirely public sphere.] but beyond joining the #metoo juggernaut, i wanted to write something about the wave of sexual assault revelations that continues to swell over the north american media landscape that wasn't about me. then i realised that that was a little more complicated than just writing "so, lotta sex rapes happenin' these days, ain't there?" or whatever it was that i was going to say.

so i tried writing something about just a part of it: the media coverage or the entertainment industry or the politicians or …

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: getting cheeky

blush might just be the last thing that a beauty lover comes to appreciate, seeing as it can be a matter of slight degrees that separates one product from another, and it's most difficult to tell from just swatching a product how it's going to look. and it did take me a long time to appreciate that, despite loving my refined pallor and believing that my natural rosy flush was more than enough of a blush for me, blush is my friend. it softens, sculpts, perfects and, although you might not see it at first blush [yuk yuk yuk], it is something that subtly harmonises with the other colours in a look to make it "complete". yes, it's the most tricky thing to pull off when you're wearing something that doesn't mesh with your own undertones. but it's also the thing that can take a face from gloomy to glowing with a swish of the magic wand known as a makeup brush.

highlighters are an even trickier lot, since many of the more brilliant ones have a tendency to e…