Skip to main content

you asked, i answered... man candy and weirdness

time for a continuing series wherein i look at how many of you folks end up in these parts. welcome to my domain, by the way. i hope [in most cases] you find what you're looking for. please feel free to peruse the content here at your leisure, or whatever parts of it strike your fancy. it never ceases to thrill me when i see how many people and from how many places visit these parts. i'd love to visit every single one of you if it were financially feasible and not completely creepy.

i try to respond to all comments left here, as well as to any that pop up on facebook or through other social media. but once in a blue moon, i also rummage through the list of things that people are searching for when they wash up on these shores and, in case they ever wash back, point them to what they want [which google usually hasn't]. also, i like to frighten myself a little, because it encourages me to stay in the house and write more.

searches in the last little while have fallen into three main categories: searches for makeup swatches and comparisons, which i think work pretty well in terms of linking you to your end goal [please feel free to contact me if there's ever a specific comparison you want to see. if i can do it, i will]; searches related to soccer hotness and man candy; and things i can't, and often don't want to, explain.

first off, we address the issue of body parts. specifically, we address the issue of soccer players and their body parts, because i get a lot of searches for those here. most recently, it's involved requests for hair.

WELL COME ON THEN, LET'S DO THIS THING...



there are a lot of searches for neymar's hair. i guess that makes sense, since it's often colourful and changes frequently.

during the world cup, he sported a bleached 'do, which was somewhat controversial, because it lead some to theorize that he was "whitening" himself, in an attempt to distance himself from his multi-racial roots.

if that was the plan, it's not working

now that he's settling into life at barcelona, however, he's sporting something darker which, i'm guessing, is his natural colour or pretty close to it. he's also pretty much committed to the short-hawk, which seems to be in this year.

that jewelry is worth more than all my belongings

i prefer the deeper hair, because the bleached look was a little too boy band for my tastes. however, i don't object to looking at either. do you?

option one...
and option two...


there are also an incredible number of searches for sergio aguero's hair. in particular, there are a lot of searches for sergio aguero's "hair line". like he's going bald or something. or possibly you're looking for an entirely different hair line...

wait a minute- hair line...
hair line! i get it!

also trying out the short-hawk this season

by the way, this hairstyle is apparently considered flat-out dangerous in certain parts. it got a ten year old boy kicked out of school.

and of course, there are plenty of searches [in multiple languages!] for olivier giroud and his stylish undercut. indeed, it gets at least as much attention as the fact that he's having a killed season despite having been out injured for three months. [he apparently hates having attention called to his looks. poor baby.]

he actually departed from the tried and true for a little while.

the not-so-short hawk
but now he's back to the classic.

with a touch of ze blonde highlights

this is what his hair used to look like.

you're welcome
before we move on from hairstyles of the rich and famous, i'd like to mention that, although he's desperately unpopular at the moment, i'm really liking the mohawk and goatee combo that mario balotelli has been rocking this season.

bow before the hair master




of course, those aren't the only body parts requested. i also get a lot for wilfried bony's legs. so here they are...

those are some serious tree trunks


but why stop there?

because he's so nicely balanced
and this happened
yes, i still do love to look at the big heartbreaking bastard. kind of respect that he didn't celebrate his weekend goal against his former team [my team] this weekend.

and, although it's not a body part, i do see a lot of searches ending up here for alexis sanchez and his wonderful shorts. really, though, it's the relative absence of shorts that's at issue here, because of his tendency to hike them up, which became a kind of signature move at last year's world cup.

i'm sensing something bad is about to happen
it's impolite to point, you know

no need to ask if it's boxers or briefs

seems like the trend caught on with eventual winners team germany, including alexis future arsenal teammates mesut özil and lukaz podolski.

is it hot in here or is it just us?

now that we've dealt with beauty, it's time to tackle the beast. in this case, the beast is all those things that we'd rather not know about each other, but will confide in google. here are some of the search terms that have befuddled me...

"girls front anus how to faking tips"

do you mean a vagina? you want to fake having a vagina for a girl? listen, if a girl wants vagina, you're not going to be able to trick her into changing her mind. and it's not polite to try.

or did you mean front butt?

the terror is real

i'm not really sure why you'd want to fake this if you didn't already have it, but ok, i guess that if you stuffed a pillow in a reasonably snug pair of jeans, that would do the trick. please don't send photos.

"faking it naked moments"

what is this obsession with faking? ok, i'm pretty sure that if you wanted to fake this, you'd either have to be at a distance or moving very fast. and either way, you're probably still going to get in trouble if someone recognizes you.

"black hair new growth"

you should clean that stuff out of your refrigerator.

"crossdressing femininity choices benefits relationships kissing lipstick pictures"

i think that the relationships and kissing are the benefits. just don't try to fake a vagina.

"janella has asthma on taping"

janella needs medical attention. get off the internet and call 911.

"what does bludgeoning myself mean"

that you made some terribly bad decisions and probably need some counseling. 

"two slogan and make a colourful collage highlighting these situation"

my marketing and brand development services are quite reasonable. you need them.

"bette davis eyes graves"

well, she might now. she's dead. [but here's a review of nars audacious lipstick in "bette" for your troubles.]

"boing ling looking cute."

i had to google this one myself. and got nothing. but here's actress bai ling looking pretty cute.

the award for best technical effects goes to her stylist

but the internet also thought that you might have meant "boeing", in which case here is a slightly suggestive photo of a 747 with a space shuttle.

the new mile high club

that's all for this round, but i beg you and i beg google, please keep these requests coming. i aim to please.

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

i'm definitely someone altogether different

about a hundred years ago, i remember having a partner who told me that, rather than writing the sort of ambiance-oriented crap [he didn't say crap, i'm saying it] that i was naturally driven to write, i should just compose something like the harry potter books. this wasn't out of any sense of challenging me to do new things but because of the desperate hope that my love of writing could be parlayed into something profitable.

my reaction at the time was "i just can't". and that was honestly how i felt because i didn't believe that that kind of story was in me. for the record, i still don't think that anything like the potter-hogwarts universe is in me. i'm not a fan of fantasy literature generally speaking and i feel like there's a richer experience to be examined in looking at our experience as regular humans being part of the rational, limited, everyday world and at the same time being able to feel connected to something that, for lack of a…

making faces :: a lip for all seasons [winter edition]

it seems oddly canadian to have two posts in a row about winter/ cold/ snow, but they're obviously unrelated. after all, for most people winter is a season, but in colour analysis terms, winter is part of what you are, an effect of the different wavelengths that comprise the physical part of the thing known as "you". this might be getting a little heady for a post about lipstick. moving on...

if you've perused the other entries in this series without finding something that really spoke to you [figuratively- lipsticks shouldn't actually speak to you- get help], you may belong in one of the winter seasons. winter, like summer, is cool in tone; like spring, it is saturated; like autumn, it is dark. that combination of elements creates a colour palette [or three] that reads as very "strong" to most. and on people who aren't part of the winter group, such a palette would look severe. the point of finding a palette that reads "correctly" on you…

making faces :: best [bright winter] face forward

a few years ago, i wrote quite a bit about sci/art colour analysis. i haven't followed up on it more recently because there's only so much a girl can say about three-dimensional colour and what the "hallmarks" of each loose category are without getting super repetitive. i am planning on updating a few of the posts that i made, particularly the "lip for all seasons" posts [springsummer, autumn, winter], as those are out of date and not so useful. the posts on colour analysis continue to be very popular despite being years old, so i figure it's worth following up.

during my journey of colour self-discovery, i determined that i was probably a bright winter, which means i look best in colours that are highly saturated first of all [and sharply contrasting second of all], and which lean cooler and darker. not for me the soft smoky eyes and muted lips, nor the bubbly, light-as-air pastels. as i proved to myself wearing different looks, trying to embrace th…