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you'll never guess what i haven't been doing

oh, wait, you absolutely will, because i've already posted about how i was probably going to fail at it.

yes, that's right. i spent yet another november not getting much writing done. and when i say i didn't get much done, i really mean that i didn't even allocate a proper amount of time to writing. people who attempt to write an entire fifty thousand word novel [or novella, the divisions can be a little weird] in a month commit to writing every day for hours. and i really want to do that.

so why don't i?

well, for starters, i procrastinate. i futz around the house thinking of things that i could be writing, along with half a dozen other things and i fully believe that i am going to get around to writing later that day. i make myself believe this every day. that in itself should serve as some sort of evidence of my creativity.

tomorrow we go for seven

so despite my best intentions and my attempts to shame myself into action on my own blog, i'm afraid that i was completely unsuccessful in being a full-time writer for the last month. well, maybe not completely unsuccessful. let me look at a few things, a very few things, that i was able to accomplish.

i wrote a pretty detailed outline of the project that i talked about here. most of the time, people do the whole structure and outline thing before they start novel writing month, but i wasn't clever enough to do that, so i committed myself to doing it in november. i'm reasonably happy with it, although i feel a little apprehensive about starting the project. there are reasons, but they're not germane to this post.

and, of course, i did write blog posts-  eighteen of them- and if i total up the word count, it's pretty impressive. it's not anything that publishers will come clamouring for, but it's not like i was expecting that to happen anyway.

please stop expecting me to be cheery and appreciate that i am consistent

i also managed to produce one poem. i don't opt to write poetry a lot, but this one just sort of came to me out of nowhere. it also came to me while i was sitting in a very public place, which meant that i was sitting in the middle of a music venue, tapping away, like one of those pretentious fools whom everyone likes to mock. in fact, i was worse than that, because i don't even have a laptop or tablet, so i was working away on my phone. no matter how far i stretch my imagination, i just cannot imagine the world's next great novel being tapped out on a bloody iphone. [the next citizen kane probably isn't being filmed on one either, but that didn't stop you. -ed.]

i'll be honest, the poem felt kind of good because it was unexpected. i truly believe that continuing to work and write even when you're not feeling inspired is how you get to be better at it, but there is something completely refreshing about have a moment where you do get inspired.

but the fact remains that, on a few different levels, i managed to screw up the month when we're all supposed to be writing. i'm trying to come up with a suitable punishment for that crime. i'm not allowed to blog for a month? well that's limiting my writing even more. i have to spend two hours per day writing for the month of december? i'm thinking that making writing seem like punishment isn't the best idea here. i should just wallow in my own sense of inadequacy? oh definitely, that's extremely helpful.



ok, i know that's not helpful. and, i suppose, neither is writing a blog post about it. but do i get points for at least realising that i failed? no? well then.

the fact is that at this time last month, i didn't even have an idea for the story that now has an outline. and i hadn't ever just kicked back like a pretentious tool and written poetry in a public space. and there were eighteen fewer blog posts- thousands of words!- on this space. so i'm going to choose to be a little bit positive and say that i accomplished something. it's not a novel. it's not even a short story. but it's something that i didn't have before and i know that part of the magic of writing is that you just have to keep working away, rather than expecting all your creative problems to be resolved in a month. particularly if you're going to spend that month procrastinating and fiddling around with other things.  

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