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job hunting tips for the thinking impaired

i don't really have any business giving out job hunting advice. i've received such advice from others who generally told me that i made a good impression and thought that my policy of not screaming or stabbing during the interview process was a solid base for looking to improve my station. and that's where i guess i can give advice. there are certain things [like screaming and stabbing] that i know you shouldn't do. but there are apparently certain people who don't know those basics and so for them, i have a little tip to pass on:

if your hear of a position that is vacant because an employee has recently died, wait for the body to be in the ground, or at least cold, before you start angling to get their job.

i would have thought that this was sort of obvious, but this week, a traffic accident robbed my workplace of someone who had been with them for many years. i work for a small company and the bonds between workers- many of whom have been there a long time themselves- are more like those of family. the shock of losing someone- a really smart, positive, charming, effective someone, by the way- hits hard and the shock wave continues to roll. there is a real, inescapable feeling of loss and injustice, a real pain that only time will heal.

so i was more than shocked to hear that multiple people had phoned or emailed about applying for this man's job, starting within a few hours of his passing.

if you are thinking of doing something like this, here is my advice:

don't. you're being a douchebag.

this is not glengarry glen ross and you are not alec baldwin. no one is going to give you an expensive watch and car for being aggressive. the position will need to be filled and the people responsible will get around to it when they're good and ready. until they reach that state, you should consider the fact that forcing your c.v. in front of them will only result in making you look like an opportunistic moron completely lacking in even the most basic people skills, skills that are a prerequisite for most jobs.

seriously, this is probably at least as important as not stabbing people in your interview. 


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