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welcome to my nightmare

i guess, given the stressful events of the last few days, it should come as no surprise that i had a nightmare last night. i do, however think that it might have come as a surprise to most of the other people who live in our building- people who were totally unaware of these stressful events, but who were nonetheless awoken by bloodcurdling screams at about two in the morning.

i used to have a good arrangement with my body. i'd have nightmares and the various substances the my brain would secrete to stop me from physically acting out what i was dreaming would also limit my cries to muffled whimpering. that sucked for me, because even in the dream, i'd be aware that for some reason, sound wasn't coming out of my mouth the way it was supposed to, but it was pretty good for everyone else, since it wasn't all that loud.

lately, however, the part of my brain that serves as the night watchman and is supposed to be keeping an eye on things while everyone else gets some rest has been slacking off and the net result is that rather than applying the cerebral mute button, i'm waking up making all sorts of horrifying noises, including one time when i actually woke up honking. i'm quite sure at that point, dom thought he had heard it all.

yet somehow, last night, in the deadest dead of night, i exploded from sleep sounding like jamie lee curtis after swallowing a marshall stack.

if you're dom, that means for no reason your amour in the other room starts shrieking like someone just broke through the window.

if you're me, it means you're suddenly wide awake, watching every light in the apartment get turned on in the space of a tenth of a second and two small cats launching, claws extended, from the bed to the door as your lover and protector smashes headlong into the doorframe.

it was sort of weird and unpleasant all around.

of course my nightwatchman brain, jerked from sleep like someone who's just been punched in the junk, simultaneously realised that he'd been caught and had to do something really, really quickly and so gave the only command in his arsenal: release the dopamine.

because the only thing that the nightwatchman brain can do is basically load your brain up with chemicals, the first thing that occurs to it when you're roused from sleep by your own screams and there are cats flying and your hubby is running into the doorframe is that it should try to do something to make you feel better, which basically means flooding your synapses with dopamine, the neurotransmitter that helps you learn through positive association and that accounts for the fact that orgasms feel nicer than going to the bathroom. the thing is, caught off guard, the brain releases way more than it can possibly deal with, which left me feeling what i'll describe as blissful on a molecular level and laughing hysterically.

which i'm sure was very soothing for the neighbours after the screams.

dom's been very sweet about the whole thing, really. although he did ask me to make sure i took my meds today.

i definitely need to fire my night brain.

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