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i'm probably happier not knowing

i like to check what search terms lead to my blog, because, along with tracking which posts are the most popular, it's a good way of gauging what readers would like to see more of. some terms, of course, are just linked to a popular image that shows up high in google searches. others are actually indicative of what people are looking for. searches for dark coloured lipsticks- whether specific shades or in general- often lead here, which makes sense. searches for information on specific mental disorders often lead here, because of the currently dormant "mental health mondays" posts. i get that.

others are a little stranger, like "how do i apply lipstick from the tube?" or "where is my bipolar located?"

and others still are downright disturbing. you don't want to know how many searches for "anorexic porn" end up here. [specifically ending up on the "mental health mondays" piece about anorexia, which does have a nude, but clearly medical in nature, picture with it.]

and then there is this week's winner:

"rick santorum poop"

i'd just about recovered from the daily searches for either rick santorum or mitt romney gay porn, which, if it exists, would never, ever, ever, ever be posted here because i don't want to do that to you. or to myself. [although that's different than posting a picture of santo made from gay porn, which i have done. because that's just made of awesome. and penises.] but the idea that someone- correction- multiple someones- are out there searching for internet evidence of caca di santo is the sort of thing that makes me afraid to leave my house in the morning. do i know these people? have i shaken hands with them? what are they going to do with the results if their search is successful? what made them search for this in the first place?

so many questions. and there are probably answers to all of them. honest, disturbing answers.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: getting cheeky

blush might just be the last thing that a beauty lover comes to appreciate, seeing as it can be a matter of slight degrees that separates one product from another, and it's most difficult to tell from just swatching a product how it's going to look. and it did take me a long time to appreciate that, despite loving my refined pallor and believing that my natural rosy flush was more than enough of a blush for me, blush is my friend. it softens, sculpts, perfects and, although you might not see it at first blush [yuk yuk yuk], it is something that subtly harmonises with the other colours in a look to make it "complete". yes, it's the most tricky thing to pull off when you're wearing something that doesn't mesh with your own undertones. but it's also the thing that can take a face from gloomy to glowing with a swish of the magic wand known as a makeup brush.

highlighters are an even trickier lot, since many of the more brilliant ones have a tendency to e…

making faces :: chanel's velvet realm

who doesn't love velvet? i know when i was younger, i used to, as george costanza longed to, "drape myself in velvet" and although that phase passed with time, i still think that the plush fabric has to be one of the high points of human achievement, up there with interior heating, advanced medicine and vodka. so to me, it's no surprise that one of the most hotly anticipated launches in the cosmetic world is chanel's new "rouge allure velvet" lipstick line, because even the name immediately makes me want to put it on my lips.

on a more concrete level, chanel describes these lipsticks as "luminous matte", which is sort of like the holy grail for lipstick lovers. we all want those intense, come-hither film noir lips, the sort where young men and sunlight are lost and never heard from again, but historically [including during the making of those films], applying a matte lipstick felt sort of like colouring in your lips with an old crayon that had…