Skip to main content

friday favourites 01.06.12

image of the week
sorry for the lateness and non-friday-ness of this post but time kind of got away from me yesterday. and by "got away from me" i mean that everything just seemed to stretch a little bit later than planned. i'm not a terribly punctual person, although i'm much better than i used to be, but sometimes it just seems like sometimes the world wants me to fall behind. it would be nice if you staged these object-lessons on the weekend, when they wouldn't endanger my job, world!!!


i don't even know where to begin recapping this week. i remember seeing a headline about a naked man being shot while eating another guy's face. at that point, i thought that nothing would be more memorable. then someone found a torso in a suitcase here in montreal, not that far from where we live. [that's probably not the best advertising i could do for my neighborhood, which is generally awesome.] and then a foot showed up in the headquarters of canada's ruling conservative party. and someone found a hand in a box going to the liberals. for a day or so, this looked like the weirdest separatist protest ever [since police quickly determined that all these cases were, in a really unfortunate choice of words, "connected to one another"], but then it turned out to be the work of an attention-starved aspiring model and home-made gay porn and kitten torture video "producer/ actor".

take note, stephen harper: if animal cruelty was a serious felony, as it should be, then someone in your office would not have had their day ruined by opening a severed foot. that's on you. [the guilt, i mean, not the foot. i'm assuming the police have that.]

amidst all that, you could almost have missed the guy who threw his own intestines at police.  you just know it's a rough week when that seems a bit tame. [although i'm kind of baffled that police pepper-sprayed the guy as they were approaching. sounds like the beginnings of the worst spicy sausage recipe ever.]

and how about the mma fighter who ripped out and ate his opponent's heart while it was still beating [coming soon on pay-per-view!]? he probably thought that was all bad-ass and instead we're all "yawn, dude, the aztecs were doing that thousands of years ago, you need to contemporise. hell dude, you're not even the only heart-eater in the news this week. how lame is that?"

indeed, friends, everything this week seems to have been celestially arranged to make us all aware that the world is a fucked-up place and that homo sapiens sapiens are the most fucked-up things in it.

this is one week when we really need some

good news :: stuff i can't make up from around the internet


turns out the headline "guerilla gardeners attack irish ghost estates" isn't as bizarre as it sounds [although admittedly, the bar has been set pretty high recently]. still a cool story.

now that i have no republican primary debates, i need to find a new source for a drinking game. oh, hey. here's one made for the morose and overly analytical.

when i first heard that bath salts were the hot new thing in the maritimes, i assumed it meant that a lush cosmetics store had opened in downtown halifax. not quite.

fyi, the text of the poster in the image of the week reads "this government spends $162 per day on each prisoner in jail, but as a full-time student living alone, i only get $19.67". technically, that means that students are better off protesting and getting put in jail than pursuing their studies.

goings on :: stuff you can [and should] participate in


if you're in montreal... the mutek festival continues through the weekend. fun for the whole family, as long as your family consists of electronic music geeks.

and on wednesday, get your butt to cagibi for this month's edition of "the caustic lounge"! sip their cider and munch on their fine vegetarian cuisine, which is way tastier than some guy's face.

if you're in new york... check out this exhibit on art and the occult and attend one of the fascinating workshops. it runs until june 17th and looks like it warrants repeat visits for all the different events. you know it's just a matter of time before a product of the death mask workshop ends up on the news. [you can also view the art on line.'

if you're in san francisco... experimental musician and sound artist kim cascone will be holding a "subtle listening workshop" on sunday, june 3rd. the idea behind this is to train your ears to become attuned to the breadth of sound all around us. late registration still available!

musical notes

i realise it's too early to talk about bands i'd like to see at kinetik next year, but i've been listening to a lot of von magnet this week and i can't help but think that their "electro-flamenco" sounds and spellbinding stage show would be a great addition. this is a little teaser for their 2009 album "ni predateur ni proie" that came out on ant zen


follow-up and shameless self-promotion

as mentioned, news in montreal has been drenched in blood this week, courtesy of a dude who is living proof that growing up in the suburbs of toronto is really bad for you. he's being sought by police and interpol for killing and dismembering another man, but what's also come out is that he posted at least two videos of himself torturing and killing kittens on line. i want him to be caught and brought to justice for the murder of the man, but really, i want justice for the kittens. i wish the police all the luck in the world tracking him down and while there's certainly very little i can do to help out, i'm willing to pitch in. for the kittens. so that they are not forgotten. so here's the deal:

to anyone who turns this jackass into authorities, aside from the respect of thousands and quite possibly a cash reward, there is a personally autographed copy of my book, "interference" in it for you. it's not much, but hey, it's what i have to offer. i'm deadly serious. this contest is open to anyone in the world. i'll need some kind of proof that it was you would delivered him to police and i'd like to stress that how you get him there is entirely your business. hand the bastard over and the autographed book is yours. 

other than that... i hope to see as many of you as possible at the caustic lounge this week!

kitteh of the week

it's been too long since we've gotten to gaze upon arthur...


that's all for this week. here's hoping that the next seven days are a little less grand guignol all-around. 

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

presidenting is hard :: these people are not your friends

hello mr. president! a while back, i promised that i would periodically be giving you some advice on how to do your job, since you seem a little unclear on how everything works. i didn't mean to go so long between missives, but the fact is that i've been busy and you're administration has been in overdrive giving me things to write about. what i've realised is that many of those things are ones i can't help you with: if you or anyone in your immediate circle worked with russians to compromise the 2016 election, that shit is done. robert mueller is going to find that out, because he's the kind of person who looks like the theme from dragnet just automatically starts playing every time he enters a room. so that's your problem. i'm just here to talk to you about what you can do now that you are, by law, the president. because, while chief detective mueller is doing his thing, we all need to live with your decisions. i'm even less happy about that than…

write brain

i was talking to a friend of mine about coffee, specifically about our mutual need for coffee, yesterday and, literally as i was in the middle of a thought, an idea occurred to me that i felt like i had to note. so there i am, scribbling a note to myself that was really just a word salad of related terms, which i later transformed into a weird but more comprehensible note that i could refer to later. [i don't want another beatriz coca situation on my hands.] i feel like this idea isn't a story on its own, but something that i could incorporate into a larger project, which is good, because i have a few of those.

now, of course, i need to sit down and do research on this, because it's become terribly important to me that the details of this weird little idea that i'm planning on incorporating into a larger thing be totally plausible, even though no one but me is ever going to care. i'm increasingly convinced that the goal of every writer is to find someone who will t…

luck of the irish?

i like st. patrick's day. i like the fact that there is a holiday that celebrates celtic-ness and drunkeness at once (you could argue they were pretty close to begin with). in fact, it's probably second only to halloween as my favourite publicly recognised holiday.

so every year, i have to have my little ritual and that ritual involves visiting a pub and partaking of the cheer. i've made attempts at watching parades in various cities, but i've more recently given up that practice because a) eight out of ten times, it's freezing cold and/ or snowing in canada on march 17th and b) the parades seem to consist entirely of trucks carrying people who are as drunk as i would be, if i weren't freezing my tush off watching them. so i've backed off the parade in recent years.

however, a visit to the pub, the longer the better, is still an important thing for me.

next year, however, i'm going to have to plan things a little better.

first of all, i didn't …