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f[inding] b[oneheads] and i[nternet newbies]

hey, i know that the u.s. government has a huge debt and that they need to explore a lot of options to increase revenue, but i think that have the director of the fbi running an internet scam is a little bit seedy, even by the standards of an organisation that gets its jollies spying on its own citizens.

nonetheless, just look at what i found in my spam filter today:

THE IMF HAS APPROVED YOUR ATM CARD FOR DELIVERY (FBI)

Attn: Beneficiary,

I am Mr. Robert S.Mueller, The FBI Director; After proper investigations, we discovered that your impending payment that have been withheld by imposters, claiming to be Professor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi (Governor of the Central bank of Nigeria), Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, None existing officials of the Oceanic Bank of Nigeria and Zenith Bank, UK winning Lottery, Senator David Mark, Andy Lear of Hsbc bank, Coca-Cola winning lottery and among a list of others is now under our custody with the help of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the Local Police Force.

Investigations revealed that you have spent a lot on your personal earned money just to conclude the successful transfer of your funds to your nominated bank account by obtaining transfer documents as requested by the impostors, costing you a lot of money but all to no avail.

The FBI had to send some financial crime investigators from our head quarters in Washington DC to Africa in other to carry out proper investigation, after receiving series of other reports similar to yours as you are not the only person awaiting the legal transfer of funds from Africa.

The FBI has giving authority to the International Monetary Fund’s (IMF) to assist the Federal Ministry of Finance and all the organization involved; such as the Central Bank, Zenith Bank, and Legit lottery organizations to immediately commence with the compensation of all the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of their funds. With the help of some of the best Internet investigators attached to the FBI, we traced your information from the Internet as one of the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of funds to your nominated account.

I am pleased to inform you that a meeting was held as regards the best way to carry out with the compensation exercise for transparency and most especially to avoid reoccurrence of the delay in transferring your funds and the high cost of procuring transfer documents and came to a final conclusion as all head of organizations involved was duly represented.

It was approved to be issued to you as a valid international ATM card cashable at any ATM machine designation in the world. The ATM account has already being credited with two million, five hundred thousand United States dollars. ($2.5, 000, 000.00USD) , with a daily Limit of withdrawal of Ten thousand United States Dollars. ($10.000, 00USD).The ATM card has already being packaged and approved to be delivered to your door step via express courier delivery service.

Contact Mr. Martens Johnson {Our FBI ATM Rep.} at the ATM PAYMENT CENTER and reconfirm your delivery information as stated below and your security code with five digit (12090) number has to be submitted alongside with your delivery information for security reasons.

DELIVERY INFORMATION:
FULL NAME AND AGE:
DELIVERY ADDRESS:
CELL PHONE NUMBER:
CURRENT OCCUPATION

CONTACT INFORMATION:
NAME: Martens Johnson
EMAIL : agentmartensjohnson@fbi.ali-thabet.com
TEL: +2348057055989

HAVE IT IN MIND THAT THE DELIVERY FEE OF YOUR PACKAGE DELIVERY TO YOUR DESTINATION HAVE BEEN SETTLED BETWEEN WE AND THE COURIER COMPANY IN CHARGE OF YOUR ATM CARD DELIVERY.SO YOU ARE MANDATED TO PAY FOR THE SECURITY KEEPING FEE ONLY FOR YOUR ATM CARD TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU. A RELIABLE AND A TRUSTED COURIER COMPANY HAVE BEEN CONTRACTED TO DELIVER YOUR PACKAGE TO YOUR DESTINATION, AS SOON AS YOU CONTACT MR Martens Johnson HE WILL UPDATE YOU WITH THE COURIER COMPANY EMAIL CONTACT ADDRESS IN OTHER TO AVOID ANY UNDUE DELAY OF YOUR ATM CARD.

NOTE: Under normal circumstances you are suppose to come and collect your ATM CARD in person and sign some documents as proof of the collection of your ATM CARD but the IMF and the Finance Ministry insisted that you pay for the SECURITY KEEPING FEE ONLY of your ATM CARD via western union money transfer, which will cost you only $100.00 USD to cut down travel expenses in other for the western union payment receipt and the receipt of payment of $100.00 USD to the nominated courier company that will carry out with the delivery to your door step to be documented in your file as proof your collection. We hope that is very clear. A receipt to this effect will be sent to you and a copy kept in your file for future documentation.

We also advise that you stop further communications with these imposters and forward any correspondence / proposal you receive from them to Mr. Martens Johnson in other for the FBI to bring justice to does still at large.
GOD BLESS US.

REGARDS.
Mr. Robert S. Mueller III
FBI DIRECTOR...


now, i don't want to be a suspicious aloysius, but this email came from robert mueller at the following address: postmaster@vegatele.com


vegatele, as it happens, is a large telecommunications provider in russia and, with all due respect to the president and his advisors, seems like an odd choice of service provider for the federal government's investigative agency. i'm sure they have data packages and lots of free minutes, but aren't there other issues that the fbi should be considering?

and seriously, i can't even find a bit of information about that address for agent martens johnson. shouldn't all the fbi people have addresses in the same place? or is that part of a cunning plan to hide state secrets all over the place so that the terrorists will never know where to look?

fyi- someone might want to tell agent johnson to consider changing phone numbers, since it appears to be the same one used in a western union scam and is on several watchlists of "spammer numbers" who claim it's actually a prepaid cell phone in nigeria, which could cause people some consternation. unless that western union scam was some sort of ingenious fbi front that we're all just too silly to understand.

i would like to point out that mr. mueller clearly needs a new executive assistant. the grammar in that letter is terrible. it sounds like it was written by someone whose first language wasn't even english. if that's the case, fine, but that person really shouldn't then be writing fbi/ imf communications like this.

don't pull that innocent look on me
one thing that does interest me is the part that asks recipients to contact agent johnson regarding any communication from the impostors being investigated: "in other for the fbi to bring justice to does still at large". i think i missed something. are you telling me that internet scams are actually being perpetrated by deer? is this some sort of revenge for hunting season? are they working with terrorists in africa, which, by the way, doesn't even have deer, so it looks like the whole conspiracy is north american based in the end? if you call the cell phone number, how do they even answer it? and what about the stags? are they involved or is this a female-only crime world? i think it's very important that canadians and americans know more, so that we know how to protect ourselves from these miscreants exploiting our bambi-guilt.

i think i may have to call the fbi head office, just to find out about the does or i'll never be able to go to the country and feel safe.

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