Skip to main content

where does your country's flagpole stand [or fall]?

it's not a rorschach blot. it is what you're thinking.
it really shouldn't come as a surprise to me that this exists, but the idea that there is an index of world penis sizes still strikes me as kind of bizarre. i think it strikes me as bizarre because i don't have one, so i've never quite figured out the whole obsession over it. i feel the same way about owning a drill. if it does what i need it to do, isn't too finicky, doesn't crap out when i need it and doesn't come with a case that takes up a lot of space in my closet, i don't feel the need to upgrade every two weeks.

at first when i saw this, i assumed it was bulls**t, but then i realised that the measurements on the interactive map were in centimetres.

but it worries me that this sort of study is a) actually happening, which would indicate it's getting funding of some sort in an era when thousands of people starve to death every day; and b) capable of exacerbating the insecurities about size and masculinity that already seem to drive those in possession of the things.

seriously, no good can come of this.

THERE'S MORE BELOW THE CUT


the ones at the bottom of the list are going to feel the need to prove themselves. which is just great, because the world's two most populous nations are right down there [which in itself should actually reassure men everywhere that virility and length have nothing to do with one another].

a lot of the people in the countries that score highly are going to feel completely inferior, because they're immediately going to assume that they're surrounded by these three-legged freaks of nature, which is how fratricidal wars get started.

america, the world's largest economy and military superpower, clocks in at #98. you just know that's going to cost use a few middle eastern bombing campaigns.

and then you have the troubling nature of the data itself. because, when you look at the results by country, some are "measured" [and you have to think that those who volunteered for measurement were pretty confident in their manhood to begin with, so that probably overstates the results already], whereas others, including #1 democratic republic of congo, are "self-reported".

apparently, the people who put together these statistics have not met men before, or have at least not spoken to them about things like bench pressing strength, fishing or penis size, because taking a guy's word for it is no way to conduct research on national schlong status. seriously, go through the list of countries that self-reported and look at roughly where they fall compared to their more meticulously studied counterparts. sure, you have a few like greenland and ethiopia who seem to believe that honesty is the best policy, but overall, there is a tendency for those who "self-report" to come in well in excess of those submitted to the humiliation of the measuring tape.

and i also have to wonder why the top of the data page is festooned with ads encouraging me to vacation in vermont. what's the link that i'm missing here?

Comments

Biba said…
I don't know, if this is funny or sad...
Martin Rouge said…
The link you posted doesn't work. Just sayin'.
flora_mundi said…
Hm. Just clicked both links and they worked... I'm sure if you watn "world penis size index" in your google search memory, you could find it that way.
Anonymous said…
they misspelled length

anyway,(most women i've known in the biblical sense say it's about girth: this study is lacking,)

the transformation has something of the miraculous - it's like a god who rises and dies

and i think the healty among us like our genitals - very much
flora_mundi said…
@nodoors- HA! I hadn't even noticed the "lenght"...

@Biba- I think it's extremely funny, until I start wondering if people take it seriously. Then it seems sad.

as long as you're here, why not read more?

wrong turn

as some of you are aware, i have a long-term project building a family tree. this has led me to some really interesting discoveries, like the fact that i am partly descended from crazy cat people, including the patron saint of crazy cat ladies, that a progenitor of mine once defeated a french naval assault with an army of scarecrows, that my well-established scottish roots are just as much norwegian as scottish, and that a relative of mine from the early middle ages let one rip with such ferocity that that's basically all he's remembered for. but this week, while i was in the midst of adding some newly obtained information, i found that some of my previous research had gone in an unexpected direction: the wrong one.

where possible, i try to track down stories of my better-known relatives and in doing so this week, i realised that i couldn't connect one of my greatĖ£ grandfathers to his son through any outside sources. what's worse that i found numerous sources that con…

dj kali & mr. dna @ casa del popolo post-punk night

last night was a blast! a big thank you to dj tyg for letting us guest star on her monthly night, because we had a great time. my set was a little more reminiscent of the sets that i used to do at katacombes [i.e., less prone to strange meanderings than what you normally hear at the caustic lounge]. i actually invited someone to the night with the promise "don't worry, it'll be normal". which also gives you an idea of what to expect at the caustic lounge. behold my marketing genius.

mr. dna started off putting the "punk" into the night [which i think technically means i was responsible for the post, which doesn't sound quite so exciting]. i'd say that he definitely had the edge in the bouncy energy department.

many thanks to those who stopped in throughout the night to share in the tunes, the booze and the remarkably tasty nachos and a special thank you to the ska boss who stuck it out until the end of the night and gave our weary bones a ride home…

eat the cup 2018, part seven :: oh, lionheart

it all seemed so magical: england's fresh-faced youngsters marching all the way through to a semi-final for the first time since 1990. everywhere, the delirious chants of "it's coming home". and then, deep into added time, the sad realization: it's not coming home. oh england, my lionheart.

now, if we're being really strict about things, my scottish ancestors would probably disown me for supporting England, because those are the bastards who drove them off their land and sent them packing to this country that's too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. and indeed, shops in scotland have sold through their entire stock of croatian jerseys, as the natives rallied behind england's opponents in the semi-final. however, a few generations before they were starved and hounded from the lands they'd occupied for centuries, my particular brand of scottish ancestors would have encouraged me to support england [assuming that national football had even…