Skip to main content

no, really, f**k you

one of the things that i've learned observing my cats over the years is that they have a perfect way of dealing with things that offend or annoy them. anyone who's spent any amount of time around cats will be able to tell you that there is absolutely no doubt when you've done something wrong. i consider myself very fortunate to have shared some time with a cat who was particularly expressive in that regard. her general approach was to sit close by, make sure that she had your attention and then pointedly turn her back to you.

she'd do that for even the smallest slight because, as far as she was concerned, manners counted. it wasn't important whether you'd been late feeding her or tripped over her on the way up the stairs. somehow, you had acted unacceptably and you were made aware of that in no uncertain terms.

i think of this whenever i get criticised, not infrequently, for being overly sensitive. i wish that i could conjure up the image of the cat, who doesn't particularly care how important YOU find your trespass to be, but wants you to understand how important SHE finds it to be.

what other people call sensitivity, i generally refer to as being polite. if i get concerned with the way in which people address me or others, it's because i think that, if you're going to open your mouth, you should be able to exercise some control over what comes out of it. start by thinking about how you'd react to the same thing being said to you. even better, just start by thinking.

people who do routinely grate on my nerves for being "insensitive" generally fall into one of two categories:

- people who are just socially clueless and whose linguistic skills qualify them as barely coherent. this is the group that eco would refer to as "cretins", the kind of people who blurt out pretty much anything and can't really be expected to think about the effect of what they're about to say, because they can't be expected to think at all.

- insecure people who will say just about anything in order to diminish others, in a rather sad attempt to build themselves up. these are the people who might seem friendly and intelligent most of the time, who probably are friendly and intelligent (to some degree) most of the time, but who offer criticism at every opportunity (particularly if there's an audience present) and who are generally quick to point out their own achievements in any arena. they're also distinguished by their complete inability to accept even the slightest criticism about themselves.

what puzzles me is that the fact that i don't especially want to tolerate the idiocy of those sorts of people is seen as a character flaw on my part. because it's more common to shoot your mouth off, obnoxiousness becomes the social standard to which the rest of us should conform.

perhaps i'm old fashioned. but, if you've ever seen the movie 'hannibal', where clarice is talking about how the titular killer singles out people who he finds to be impolite? i get that.

but really, i just wish that there was something i could do that was as pointed and unmistakable as a cat.

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

dj kali & mr. dna @ casa del popolo post-punk night

last night was a blast! a big thank you to dj tyg for letting us guest star on her monthly night, because we had a great time. my set was a little more reminiscent of the sets that i used to do at katacombes [i.e., less prone to strange meanderings than what you normally hear at the caustic lounge]. i actually invited someone to the night with the promise "don't worry, it'll be normal". which also gives you an idea of what to expect at the caustic lounge. behold my marketing genius.

mr. dna started off putting the "punk" into the night [which i think technically means i was responsible for the post, which doesn't sound quite so exciting]. i'd say that he definitely had the edge in the bouncy energy department.

many thanks to those who stopped in throughout the night to share in the tunes, the booze and the remarkably tasty nachos and a special thank you to the ska boss who stuck it out until the end of the night and gave our weary bones a ride home…

the war is over

i assumed that the live coverage of last weekend's "march for our lives" would be hard to watch, and in some ways, it was. however, i did not expect that it would feel so joyful and empowering as well. 
the idea that "joyful" can be used in the description of a rally around the subject of violence and death seems bizarre, and certainly many of the speeches were anything but. however, it was difficult not to watch things unfold on saturday and not have the feeling that there is a spirit of positive change. young people, younger than the much-discussed millennial demographic, are taking it to the powers that be and those powers be shakin' in their shoes.

it's hardly surprising that cheeto benito ran off to golf for the weekend rather than stay and face the music of arianna grande and common; after all, he spends every weekend on a taxpayer-funded golf holiday. nor is it surprising that congress's most vocal critics of gun reform apparently spent the …

mental health mondays :: the plane truth

here we go again. it's sad enough to hear that nearly a hundred and fifty people died at the hands of an individual unwisely entrusted with a a potential missile, but now we get to observe the media circling and waiting for confirmation that the man who may have murdered them had a mental illness. and what a grotesque spectacle it is, because it basically consists of nothing but ominous insinuations that this co-pilot was depressed and so he flew a plane into a mountain, without trying to provide any larger context about the disorder or the millions of people who suffer from it.

to be clear, i don't have a problem with his apparent record of depression being brought up as a possible explanation for what happened. it's possible that there is a link. but smashing a plane full of innocent people into a mountain is not the act of someone who is merely depressed. there is a whole other level of illness going on there and, with the information we have thus far, it seems disturbi…