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need to get out more?

most people have gone through a phase where they went out to clubs. since a lot of the time, this activity is associated purely with trying to get laid, the activity generally ceases once they find ways to achieve this goal without having to spend money and deal with a hangover.

for my part, i've always just enjoyed the experience of dancing. it is, after all, such a uniquely human activity, with no point whatsoever beyond itself. and if that sounds too esoteric for you, i say that any type of exercise that allows, nay encourages me to consume alcohol during the workout is ok in my books.

long ago, i assumed that i never heard music i really loved when i went out (save for those times when i was the dj) because i lived in a small city at the time. however, i've since learned that the stuff i truly want to hear just isn't getting played anywhere.

it's my loss, of course, and i've responded by going out less and less, because i no longer feel i have the time to waste sitting somewhere and waiting to hear something that would even qualify as acceptable. but it's also a general loss, because i think that, given the chance, a lot of people would enjoy something different.

so here is a very short, not even close to exhaustive list of a some stuff that i would love to hear. and that i never will unless i decide to take up dj'ing again.

des esseintes :: tension
[why you want to hear it] because its hammering percussion, orchestral-style flourishes and fiery washes of noise, it is the very definition of gothic splendour. imagine all the gargoyles on an immense cathedral broke free of their stone perches and started attacking the city. [[bonus cool points for using a theremin hook.]]
[why you won't] because most club-goers labour under the impression that minor-key pop music labeled "ebm" sounds dark, which would make this one flat out insanity.

deutsch nepal :: rapist park junction
[why you want to hear it] because the cyclical rhythms and slowly mounting intensity of dn have always made it phenomenally sexy. its sinewy, sensuous internal motion is the antithesis of tired, four-to-the-floor, cookie-cutter dance beats. pure aural pleasure you can feel through your whole body.
[why you won't] because tired, four-to-the-floor, cookie-cutter dance beats are a formula that's proven successful.

novy svet :: en possession de te
[why you want to hear it] because it is a well-kept secret that a lot of novy's music is eminently danceable. not in the rigid way that self-consciously dance-oriented tracks are, but in a gather round the fire, pass around a bottle of unidentified liquor and lose your inhibitions at the gypsy encampment kind of way.
[why you won't] because most people are afraid of losing their inhibitions and because some of the frequencies could cause eardrums to implode at high volume.

maska genetik :: the ocean
[why you want to hear it] because its atmosphere of sinister restraint is a perfect soundtrack for a smoke and fog-filled room where everyone's features and motives are obscured and mysterious.
[why you won't] because it's bad for business to make your clientele uneasy.

brighter death now :: payday
[why you want to hear it] because its ceaseless, chugging riff could move planets. raw physical aggression distilled into ten atonal notes and set to a waltz tempo. if there is a more perfect track fro shaking off the soul-destroying dreariness of the work week, i haven't found it.
[why you won't] because it steams along with an unapologetic sameness for almost ten minutes. [[full disclosure :: i once played this in a club and people danced. so there.]]

liars :: there's always room on the broom
[why you want to hear it] because it's almost impossible to believe that anything so toneless could be so catchy and that something so bouncy and poppy could be so noisy.
[why you won't] because the people who would most enjoy it are unaware of its existence.

in case you haven't guessed, i've chosen the above as representatives of certain types of tracks that i feel get ignored. if i tried to come up with a complete list, i'd be typing for the next four days without ever reaching completion.

feel free to post or email your personal selections.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

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i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

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