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urine nation

there is no gentle way to express this: someone peed in the elevator in my building.

i know there's a guy here who owns a dog (they're officially verboten), there may even be two. i like animals (in a non-sexual way) a lot and i really don't want the owners of these dogs to get in trouble, since they seem like nice enough people. so my first instinct, other than retching, was that i hoped it wasn't the dog, so there wouldn't be any problems for them.

then i clued in to exactly how ridiculous that sentiment was. because if it wasn't the dog, it means that i am living in the same building as someone who doesn't have the social graces to realise that there is a fundamental difference between the floor of the elevator and a public toilet. how far has society sunk when it becomes socially acceptable to pee on the floor? if these people can't control themselves in the elevator, how long before peeing on the floors of their apartment becomes part of their day? and what if they live in the apartment upstairs from me? will the ceiling eventually soak through and collapse? i don't want to go out of this life crushed by a chunk of pee-soaked plaster.

to be fair, the elevator in my building is one of the slowest in the world, so maybe someone just couldn't hold it in any more, but if they are so busy that they have to hold their urine in for hours until they literally burst, maybe they need to clear some time in their schedule.

since the floor of the elevator is carpeted, that scent isn't going anywhere. and apparently, whoever the urinator is, they aren't going to make an effort to be decent and at least clean up the mess that they left. so i'm avoiding the elevator at all costs until further notice. on the bright side, maybe taking the stairs more often will give me a bit of a workout.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…