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it's going to be one of those weeks

"like a lot of you, i hate. but i hate with style and creativity." -henry rollins

ok, i'm not exactly sure what got me under such a black cloud today, but it's reached these epic proportions. it's like anyone who comes anywhere near me becomes the enemy. be happy you're viewing this over the internet, where i can't get you.

the roots of some of this go back to september. i was on a business trip and this had required me to bring a considerable amount of baggage (the physical, not the emotional kind) in the form of samples, etc. i ended up traveling with three bags that were really heavy. my strongest memory of this trip is me, struggling to get all of these bags off the carousel and onto a cart while the two men i was traveling with stood some distance off, drank coffee and giggled at the spectacle i was creating.

yesterday, i got ot see the flip side of my situation. a woman of my acquaintance, had managed to convince the director of her department to come and pick her up in at the airport because she was too freaked out by business travel to risk taking a ten-minute cab ride on her own. apparently, this is completely acceptable behaviour in a thirty-five year old woman. i should add that this woman has a case history of freaking out and running crying to whatever man is in a position of authority and getting sympathy for it.

i wouldn't have a problem with this scenario if i could point to some tangible benefit i was getting from trying to maintain some sort of composure and independence. but the fact is, the men around me, particularly those i do or have worked with, are a lot more likely to tease me about my shoe fetish than to ask my opinion on a matter of substance. i'm still treated like a bimbo, i just don't get the perks.

this used to bother me less, back when i was younger, because when you're young, you don't expect that anyone takes you seriously as a rule (and young women always get the bimbo perks anyway). now that i'm old and gnarled and bitter, it bugs me. it bugs me a lot when i think about it, which is with increasing frequency.

if anyone's looking for me, i'll be wallowing in the vat of self-pity i've had built in my apartment.

Comments

I dont know how to say this any better than by proclaiming, now and for all eternity that you are a smart beautiful and particularly gifted, and that if there was ever one I could count on to have a debate of substance in this wonderland of mediocity, its definately you to whom I'd turn.
And if anyone would care to dispute any of these irrevocable truths, well, they can stand in line, single-filed please, so that I can, and with much gusto, kick them in the gonnads.
Feeling lucky, punk? Well, are you?

as long as you're here, why not read more?

dreamspeak

ok, so i've been lax about posting here. i apologise. there are reasons. i don't know if they'ree good reasons, but they include:


i've had a lot of work to do, which is nice because i'm a freelancer and things tend to slow down in the summer, so the more work i get now, the less i have to worry about later [in theory].i started watching the handmaid's tale. i was a little hesitant because i didn't actually like the novel very much; i found it heavy-handed and predictable. the series relies on the novel for about 80% of its first season plot but i nevertheless find it spellbinding. where i felt that the novel beat readers with its politics, the series does a better job of connecting with the humanity in the midst of politics. i'm dithering on starting season two because i am a serial binger and once i know damn well that starting the second season will soon consign me to the horrors of having to wait a week between episodes. i don't know if i can han…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…

making faces :: written in the stars [in lipstick]

are themed collections of things you like dangerous to you? once you've started down a rabbit hole, does it become a necessity to complete the set, lest you be left forever feeling like something is missing from your life? are you interested in lipsticks? then stay away from the astrology by bite collection/ series that is rolling out month by month throughout 2018.

the collection is pretty much exactly what you think it is: a lipstick a month inspired by the zodiac sign that begins in that month. a lot of people are interested in getting the one for their own sign. but that's not me. i'm interested in collecting the whole damn thing. it helps that bite's amuse bouche lipstick formula is one of the nicest on the market and that i've been weeding through my collection of lipsticks to find those that have started to "turn" [smell like crayons or grow dry] so that in theory, i have room to add more. [you have enough lipsticks for three people who wear lipsti…