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is there a test i can take?

i got one of these emails from a newsgroup today asking for models for a hair show that's coming up. prospective models have to be willing to let hairdressers do pretty much anything to their hair, which rules me out anyway, but it was one of the other requisites that caught my attention:

must be attractive

attractive to whom? or to what? bears are supposedly attracted to menstruating women, does that count? who in the hell can say with authority that they are objectively attractive (other than arrogant losers who probably aren't)?

what puzzles me about this is that it makes it sound like there is a way to tell whether you are attractive or not. fill out this quiz and we'll tell you the results. i guess that whole "eye of the beholder" thing is just a myth...

so if you ever believed that whether or not you were attractive was a matter of opinion, you were wrong. somewhere, there is a list of criteria and if you don't meet that standard, well, you just better feel lucky if anyone looks at you, even the bears.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

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