Skip to main content

united nations of kate

if you follow me on twitter [and you probably shouldn't], you may have seen this tweet earlier:

tree. arbre. arból. baum. medis. kasht. zuhaitz.

the most embarrassing thing about this is not that i felt it necessary to advertise that i talk to myself, but that i'm dead certain that i can say the word "tree" in more than seven languages, but went with the ones that i could remember off the top of my overstuffed head. [seriously, the inside of my skull probably looks like some hoarder nightmare. tonnes of stuff, but there's no way of finding any of it when you need it.]

of course, there are things that i have learned to say besides "tree" in other languages. i've been documenting my adventures in language learning this year, where i've basically been working towards becoming a one-woman united nations meeting. of course, if you've seen some of my social media posts, you'll be aware that my general assembly would appear to be discussing some pretty dubious subjects.

here is the dutch delegation, clearly negotiating the terms of a business deal:

some things are deal breakers

and here is the dutch delegation doing nothing to dispel the idea that their country has a racism problem:

worst red carpet hosts ever

here is the spanish delegation congratulating themselves on their fine sartorial choices:

aren't they always?

and from the sounds of it, their architecture is pretty amazing:

picasso would be proud

the italian contingent has a leader who isn't quite so advanced:

maybe he brought the rhinoceros for the dutch

the outside world is a little confusing for him:

no, but your friends are

the french have some slightly macabre gifts in their designer bags:

you probably don't want to make any more jokes about them losing wars


and the germans just seem a little ashamed of the people they've sent as their representatives:

i hope they washed their hands

i think that some of the parties might need to work a little bit on their public demeanour: 

jesus, germany, go talk to spain about their pants

but some are willing to do their bit to solve the problem:

give them to germany or you don't get any rhinoceros

[my favourite part of that last one is that it uses the formal "you".]

my internal u.n. is currently eurocentric, which i aim to change in the future [once everyone has pants, or at least a sarong]. but more seriously, i hope this helps you all appreciate just how much fun it will be to talk to me in other languages. as it turns out, it's probably going to be a lot like talking to me in english. 

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

presidenting is hard :: these people are not your friends

hello mr. president! a while back, i promised that i would periodically be giving you some advice on how to do your job, since you seem a little unclear on how everything works. i didn't mean to go so long between missives, but the fact is that i've been busy and you're administration has been in overdrive giving me things to write about. what i've realised is that many of those things are ones i can't help you with: if you or anyone in your immediate circle worked with russians to compromise the 2016 election, that shit is done. robert mueller is going to find that out, because he's the kind of person who looks like the theme from dragnet just automatically starts playing every time he enters a room. so that's your problem. i'm just here to talk to you about what you can do now that you are, by law, the president. because, while chief detective mueller is doing his thing, we all need to live with your decisions. i'm even less happy about that than…

write brain

i was talking to a friend of mine about coffee, specifically about our mutual need for coffee, yesterday and, literally as i was in the middle of a thought, an idea occurred to me that i felt like i had to note. so there i am, scribbling a note to myself that was really just a word salad of related terms, which i later transformed into a weird but more comprehensible note that i could refer to later. [i don't want another beatriz coca situation on my hands.] i feel like this idea isn't a story on its own, but something that i could incorporate into a larger project, which is good, because i have a few of those.

now, of course, i need to sit down and do research on this, because it's become terribly important to me that the details of this weird little idea that i'm planning on incorporating into a larger thing be totally plausible, even though no one but me is ever going to care. i'm increasingly convinced that the goal of every writer is to find someone who will t…

luck of the irish?

i like st. patrick's day. i like the fact that there is a holiday that celebrates celtic-ness and drunkeness at once (you could argue they were pretty close to begin with). in fact, it's probably second only to halloween as my favourite publicly recognised holiday.

so every year, i have to have my little ritual and that ritual involves visiting a pub and partaking of the cheer. i've made attempts at watching parades in various cities, but i've more recently given up that practice because a) eight out of ten times, it's freezing cold and/ or snowing in canada on march 17th and b) the parades seem to consist entirely of trucks carrying people who are as drunk as i would be, if i weren't freezing my tush off watching them. so i've backed off the parade in recent years.

however, a visit to the pub, the longer the better, is still an important thing for me.

next year, however, i'm going to have to plan things a little better.

first of all, i didn't …