Skip to main content

that time i outed myself as a serial killer

if you're on facebook, chances are you've encountered at least one person who's used a related app called "what would i say". i know a lot of people don't like to use apps because they collect your information and sell it to identity thieves and deposed dictators trying to smuggle money out of the country, but this one is good enough that i consider it worth the risk. also, anyone who takes on my identity is probably in for some unpleasant surprises.

the app takes your status updates and posts and scrambles them to create new things that are supposed to sound like things you might have said. often the results are nonsensical, but sometimes they are brilliant [including the nonsensical ones] in a dada way. and in my experience, they sometimes get a little too honest.

for instance, katebot is somewhat prone to over-sharing:






bad katebot. no one needs to know those things. also, it's not true. i have never worn pants.

then there are the times katebot admits to doing things that could get real kate in trouble:







those all seem like good reasons to avoid being anywhere in my vicinity.  so does this:





thanks for spoiling the surprise, katebot.

of course, she does give excellent advice:



that time she accidentally shared my to do list:



and then decided to try vague-booking in the worst possible way:



[actually, i'm not sure that isn't something i really did say. it sounds like me. but they all sound like me, which is the point. that just sounds a lot like me.]

of course, that does make one think about the "serial killer" admission from earlier. not that i'm saying i'm a serial killer. or that katebot is saying i'm a serial killer. it just makes me wonder why stuff like this would turn up from an application that tries to pick out the most common terms you use on facebook.

 

 it's like she just realised i was in the room and figured she should stop talking.



that first bit is part of a quote from hemingway. and i guess i've just chosen to specify that hemingway didn't eat people. for all those of you who've heard ernest hemingway cannibalism rumours. i know those are big on the internet now.



that can't be good for them...



with good reason if they live anywhere around me. 

so what dark secrets is katebot really trying to share about me?



probably for the best.

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

wrong turn

as some of you are aware, i have a long-term project building a family tree. this has led me to some really interesting discoveries, like the fact that i am partly descended from crazy cat people, including the patron saint of crazy cat ladies, that a progenitor of mine once defeated a french naval assault with an army of scarecrows, that my well-established scottish roots are just as much norwegian as scottish, and that a relative of mine from the early middle ages let one rip with such ferocity that that's basically all he's remembered for. but this week, while i was in the midst of adding some newly obtained information, i found that some of my previous research had gone in an unexpected direction: the wrong one.

where possible, i try to track down stories of my better-known relatives and in doing so this week, i realised that i couldn't connect one of my greatĖ£ grandfathers to his son through any outside sources. what's worse that i found numerous sources that con…

dj kali & mr. dna @ casa del popolo post-punk night

last night was a blast! a big thank you to dj tyg for letting us guest star on her monthly night, because we had a great time. my set was a little more reminiscent of the sets that i used to do at katacombes [i.e., less prone to strange meanderings than what you normally hear at the caustic lounge]. i actually invited someone to the night with the promise "don't worry, it'll be normal". which also gives you an idea of what to expect at the caustic lounge. behold my marketing genius.

mr. dna started off putting the "punk" into the night [which i think technically means i was responsible for the post, which doesn't sound quite so exciting]. i'd say that he definitely had the edge in the bouncy energy department.

many thanks to those who stopped in throughout the night to share in the tunes, the booze and the remarkably tasty nachos and a special thank you to the ska boss who stuck it out until the end of the night and gave our weary bones a ride home…

eat the cup 2018, part seven :: oh, lionheart

it all seemed so magical: england's fresh-faced youngsters marching all the way through to a semi-final for the first time since 1990. everywhere, the delirious chants of "it's coming home". and then, deep into added time, the sad realization: it's not coming home. oh england, my lionheart.

now, if we're being really strict about things, my scottish ancestors would probably disown me for supporting England, because those are the bastards who drove them off their land and sent them packing to this country that's too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. and indeed, shops in scotland have sold through their entire stock of croatian jerseys, as the natives rallied behind england's opponents in the semi-final. however, a few generations before they were starved and hounded from the lands they'd occupied for centuries, my particular brand of scottish ancestors would have encouraged me to support england [assuming that national football had even…