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you asked, i answered... man candy and weirdness

time for a continuing series wherein i look at how many of you folks end up in these parts. welcome to my domain, by the way. i hope [in most cases] you find what you're looking for. please feel free to peruse the content here at your leisure, or whatever parts of it strike your fancy. it never ceases to thrill me when i see how many people and from how many places visit these parts. i'd love to visit every single one of you if it were financially feasible and not completely creepy.

i try to respond to all comments left here, as well as to any that pop up on facebook or through other social media. but once in a blue moon, i also rummage through the list of things that people are searching for when they wash up on these shores and, in case they ever wash back, point them to what they want [which google usually hasn't]. also, i like to frighten myself a little, because it encourages me to stay in the house and write more.

searches in the last little while have fallen into three main categories: searches for makeup swatches and comparisons, which i think work pretty well in terms of linking you to your end goal [please feel free to contact me if there's ever a specific comparison you want to see. if i can do it, i will]; searches related to soccer hotness and man candy; and things i can't, and often don't want to, explain.

first off, we address the issue of body parts. specifically, we address the issue of soccer players and their body parts, because i get a lot of searches for those here. most recently, it's involved requests for hair.

WELL COME ON THEN, LET'S DO THIS THING...



there are a lot of searches for neymar's hair. i guess that makes sense, since it's often colourful and changes frequently.

during the world cup, he sported a bleached 'do, which was somewhat controversial, because it lead some to theorize that he was "whitening" himself, in an attempt to distance himself from his multi-racial roots.

if that was the plan, it's not working

now that he's settling into life at barcelona, however, he's sporting something darker which, i'm guessing, is his natural colour or pretty close to it. he's also pretty much committed to the short-hawk, which seems to be in this year.

that jewelry is worth more than all my belongings

i prefer the deeper hair, because the bleached look was a little too boy band for my tastes. however, i don't object to looking at either. do you?

option one...
and option two...


there are also an incredible number of searches for sergio aguero's hair. in particular, there are a lot of searches for sergio aguero's "hair line". like he's going bald or something. or possibly you're looking for an entirely different hair line...

wait a minute- hair line...
hair line! i get it!

also trying out the short-hawk this season

by the way, this hairstyle is apparently considered flat-out dangerous in certain parts. it got a ten year old boy kicked out of school.

and of course, there are plenty of searches [in multiple languages!] for olivier giroud and his stylish undercut. indeed, it gets at least as much attention as the fact that he's having a killed season despite having been out injured for three months. [he apparently hates having attention called to his looks. poor baby.]

he actually departed from the tried and true for a little while.

the not-so-short hawk
but now he's back to the classic.

with a touch of ze blonde highlights

this is what his hair used to look like.

you're welcome
before we move on from hairstyles of the rich and famous, i'd like to mention that, although he's desperately unpopular at the moment, i'm really liking the mohawk and goatee combo that mario balotelli has been rocking this season.

bow before the hair master




of course, those aren't the only body parts requested. i also get a lot for wilfried bony's legs. so here they are...

those are some serious tree trunks


but why stop there?

because he's so nicely balanced
and this happened
yes, i still do love to look at the big heartbreaking bastard. kind of respect that he didn't celebrate his weekend goal against his former team [my team] this weekend.

and, although it's not a body part, i do see a lot of searches ending up here for alexis sanchez and his wonderful shorts. really, though, it's the relative absence of shorts that's at issue here, because of his tendency to hike them up, which became a kind of signature move at last year's world cup.

i'm sensing something bad is about to happen
it's impolite to point, you know

no need to ask if it's boxers or briefs

seems like the trend caught on with eventual winners team germany, including alexis future arsenal teammates mesut özil and lukaz podolski.

is it hot in here or is it just us?

now that we've dealt with beauty, it's time to tackle the beast. in this case, the beast is all those things that we'd rather not know about each other, but will confide in google. here are some of the search terms that have befuddled me...

"girls front anus how to faking tips"

do you mean a vagina? you want to fake having a vagina for a girl? listen, if a girl wants vagina, you're not going to be able to trick her into changing her mind. and it's not polite to try.

or did you mean front butt?

the terror is real

i'm not really sure why you'd want to fake this if you didn't already have it, but ok, i guess that if you stuffed a pillow in a reasonably snug pair of jeans, that would do the trick. please don't send photos.

"faking it naked moments"

what is this obsession with faking? ok, i'm pretty sure that if you wanted to fake this, you'd either have to be at a distance or moving very fast. and either way, you're probably still going to get in trouble if someone recognizes you.

"black hair new growth"

you should clean that stuff out of your refrigerator.

"crossdressing femininity choices benefits relationships kissing lipstick pictures"

i think that the relationships and kissing are the benefits. just don't try to fake a vagina.

"janella has asthma on taping"

janella needs medical attention. get off the internet and call 911.

"what does bludgeoning myself mean"

that you made some terribly bad decisions and probably need some counseling. 

"two slogan and make a colourful collage highlighting these situation"

my marketing and brand development services are quite reasonable. you need them.

"bette davis eyes graves"

well, she might now. she's dead. [but here's a review of nars audacious lipstick in "bette" for your troubles.]

"boing ling looking cute."

i had to google this one myself. and got nothing. but here's actress bai ling looking pretty cute.

the award for best technical effects goes to her stylist

but the internet also thought that you might have meant "boeing", in which case here is a slightly suggestive photo of a 747 with a space shuttle.

the new mile high club

that's all for this round, but i beg you and i beg google, please keep these requests coming. i aim to please.

Comments

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