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i might need a little help figuring this one out...

one of the wonderful things about living with cats [probably any animals] is that they are just so... unpredictable. they have things that they do all the time for no reason they ever explain. i mean, some of them make perfect sense. they shred curtains because they hate your taste in decor, for instance.

some are a little more puzzling, but you can still relate them to some type of animal behaviour. lulu, our youngest, has a compulsion to bury anything edible. i understand that this is a holdover from the wild [lulu was, indeed, born feral, although you'd hardly guess that from the rest of her outgoing, hyper-confident personality]. wild cats will bury their leftovers to stop potential predators from figuring out where they are. in a house with multiple cats, that can be a bit frustrating, particularly for the other cats, because the second the food dishes are alone, lulu starts digging and carrying whatever crap she can find [she's not above pulling things out of the garbage] and throwing it on top of the remaining food. i don't know what predators she thinks are going to pick our locks in the middle of the night, but she's really convinced that it's incredibly bloody important to bury all the food, post haste. the same thing goes for any dishes dom and i use, except that with us, she doesn't bother to wait until we're finished with them. if our plates, bowls or coffee mugs are anywhere but in our hands, she will try to bury them. and we've discovered the hard way that burying them often entails knocking them onto the floor.

but most recently, i've noticed a type of behaviour that really can't be explained by subconscious cat programming. this is simon, using the litter pan:

and he's thrilled i'm posting this on the internet, let me tell you

i don't want to state the obvious, but that's not normal.

of course, simon isn't exactly normal. in addition to having to protect our plates and bowls from lulu, we've also had to develop the habit of keeping any alcohol in a firm grasp and cautioning any guests to do the same, because if there is even a whiff of beer, wine or cider in the air, simon will not rest until he's found it and at least tried to consume it. he's not exactly a beacon of normal cat-ness.

so now that we've become accustomed to his alcoholism, we're having to deal with the fact that he's decided to pee standing up and perched on the side of his litter pan. i'm really sure that there aren't little bobcat urinals in the wild, or even port-a-potties [surely national geographic would have found them already?], so i can't relate this to some ancient part of his brain. but i can't relate it to any other part of his brain either and, despite the fact that he talks more than any cat i've ever met, he can't seem to explain it to me.


part of me thinks that he's imitating dom and me, because he sees us sort of doing the same thing and he's damn sure that we never stand in our own toilet, which made me think that he could possibly be trained to use the big people potty. then i started to worry that he'd fall in in a drunken stupor. plus, of course, his little brother hecubus has fallen in the toilet twice without even being drunk. so it seems like i'd just be creating a world of problems.

so that's my week. i have a new book out and a cat who perches on the side of his litter pan to pee. happy easter.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…