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is this the worst advertisement ever in the history of mankind?

ok, sadly, it probably isn't, but it's still pretty disturbing.

i was flipping through the march issue of in style and i came across this ad. it looks innocuous enough at first, even kind of adorable.


if you're having trouble- or are trying to avoid looking too closely- the text reads:

an intimate moment captured in two distinctive fragrances for her. designed by ashley olsen and mary kate olsen.

look, i'm aware that "intimate" doesn't always mean something sexual, but throwing a naked chick who looks like she's been knocked unconscious from a four hour fuck fest does tend to lead you in that direction. and then that idea barrels like a runaway train into the image of an equally exhausted and happy-looking puppy passed out just south of the lady's nasty bits.

what the hell am i looking at here? because it kind of looks like the aftermath of a human-pet cuddle session that crossed a line somewhere.

furthermore, why is looking at this supposed to make me want to experience the smells that go along with the moment? it's one thing to say that you like the smell of your bed when you put on freshly laundered sheets, but that's not the vibe i'm getting from this. i'm guessing those sheets smell a lot like co-mingled sweat and wrong.

i like my perfumes a little on the edgy side. in fact, i wear men's scents fairly often, because i find that they work better against my skin than a lot of women's ones. so i'm not usually one to judge people for liking perfumes that are a little off the beaten path, but there does still seems [to me] to be a massive difference between the smoky, leathery darkness of tom ford's "tuscan leather" [a personal favourite, by the way] and an afternoon of hot dog sex as a signature scent.

perhaps this means i'm no longer hip to what the kids are doing these days. looking at this monstrosity, i'd like to say i'm ok with that. i'm seriously so incredibly ok with that

Comments

Bellyhead said…
XD ACK! I spit out my coffee this morning while reading this.

This whole ad evoke just WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG.

It's not even slightly crossed the border sexy wrong. NEWP.

JUST WRONG.
morelikespace said…
It's actually a great relief to me that I'm not the only person who can see the WRONG.
Lani said…
What the? What were they thinking?! Definitely creepy.

as long as you're here, why not read more?

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

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