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things to do when you're more or less stuck at home which are also better than trying to brave crowds at black friday sales

watching the news, dom and i were shocked to here a newscaster utter the words "black friday isn't over!" mostly, we were shocked because this was last night, also known as thursday, so it seemed sort of strange that friday not being over would be newsworthy. i mean, not to get all technical and stuff, but it could be pointed out that friday hadn't even started. but maybe that's one of those differences that gets confused because of the measuring systems. does friday start at the same time in metric?

personally, i celebrated the arrival of the most dreaded shopping day in the entire universe by having a nap and spending the rest of the night suffering from insomnia. during that time, i managed to think of lots of things that i could do that would be more enjoyable than sliding into my fat pants and making my way to a big box retailer. [if i'd kept up my list of things that i'd prefer to do, "time" would have been on the list as well.]

1. open a document on your computer and type the words "just write". do what it says.

2. try to make a list [works best with someone else] of the most overrated bands in history. or the ugliest bands in history. or the most underrated movies. or the best live shows. or the worst.

3. put all the music in your collection onto your computer. make yourself listen to all the stuff you haven't heard in a year or more. [bonus points for finding things you no longer even remember.]

4. find an interesting looking hash tag and follow it to its pot of internet gold. i went with #walmartfights

5. combine various fruits, veggies and juices in your house in a blender. enjoy your smoothie. [note :: think about what the end product will taste like before just throwing everything in there. no one wants a yukon gold and gooseberry smoothie.]

6. see how many branches you can add to your family tree. start with what you know on your own then try asking relatives and/ or googling.

7. watch something that involves a lot of work and physical exertion on television. my choice was champions and europa league football [aka soccer]. marvel at the fitness this activity demands. as you marvel, allow yourself to drift off to sleep for however long you want.

8. keep a notebook or understanding individual nearby and record your dreams. it's my completely un-scientific assessment that as your mind relaxes, it starts getting weirder with the dreams. think of it like someone who's always been rushing to and from work and is suddenly told they can just go for a walk. all of a sudden, they're finding tons of things there that they'd always missed. letting yourself rest whenever you feel like it is like telling your brain it can go for a nice, long, leisurely stroll. just don't be surprised if it wanders into some dodgy neighbourhoods.

9. see how many cats you can get to climb up and rest on top of you. sneeze or cough to reset to zero, then see if you can beat your record. i have it on authority that this also works with dogs. ferrets, rats, rabbits, etc.- no data available.

10. read whatever you can. if you feel like doing some heavy reading when you're under the weather, that's great. i struggle with that, so i tend to divide my reading between the delectably frivolous [in style] and the more thought-provoking but short enough for my addled brain to digest [salon, mother jones, huffington post, slate, etc.]. for more fun, come up with a counter debate for everything you read. for political writing, that's almost too easy, so try to come up with one that you could actually make sound convincing. if you're reading a fashion magazine, come up with reasons why something else entirely would be more aesthetically pleasing. if you're reading tess of the d'urbervilles, come up with a theory as to why tess is a whiny twat who deserves everything bad that happens to her.

11. hide a few important objects around the house. take a nap, watch a movie, call a friend or family member and/ or have a couple of drinks. find the objects.

12. take your prescription medicine at different times of the day to see if the effects are any different. [note :: don't do this if you've been prescribed antibiotics or anything else that requires a specific dosing schedule to be effective. the object is to survive and get better.]

13. think of five exotic locations you'd like to visit, then spend some serious time looking up crime statistics for those locations.

14. post something mildly amusing on your blog about things you could be doing/ might be doing already/ have done to keep yourself entertained. alternately, start a blog.

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…