Skip to main content

a delicate balance

i'll say it: i missing my spam. since i started writing posts about things i found in my spam filter, it seems that i rarely get anything truly amusing anymore. most days, i'm just rescuing stuff that shouldn't have been snagged or skipping over boring emails that don't even have any hilariously inappropriate typos. what's a girl to do?

fortunately, i still have my spam filter at work, which doesn't see much action, but does occasionally yield a little gem like this:



Hello ha ndsome! I'm i n yovr hovse. I am fvnny a nd well-ba la nced. My photos here.

yes, that's exactly how it appears, with the exception that i put it in italics. there is a link to a site that apparently deals with mixed martial arts, which is even more perplexing. 
i guess i should find it disturbing that someone i don't know is sending me emails telling me he's in my house, but hey, he sounds friendly- no one ever tells me i'm handsome- and he says quite clearly that he's well-balanced, even stretching it out to emphasize how important it is that i understand this. so i'm sure there's nothing i need be worried about.

that said, sending people anonymous messages telling them that you're in their house is not a marketing tactic i've heard of and probably with good reason. and one could argue that following that with an assurance that you're "well-balanced" might actually cause someone to think the exact opposite. so, golfer2@gmail.com, you might want to rethink your advertising campaign.

of course, i suspect golfer2 might have flunked out of the mba program, since he's also been spotted trying to garner interest by telling people "i'm in your region. i am graceful." also "Nice t0 meet y0u ma te. I a m next t0 y0u. I a m g00dl00king. See my pics." i'm unclear on why a person would need pictures to evaluate whether someone next to them was good-looking or not. especially if i'd already met them. of course, if i hadn't met them, i'd be a little curious as to how they'd gotten my email address.

i guess i'm just a very suspicious person by nature.


Comments

Bellyhead said…
I'm going to look at your archive on Spam now! I get such a kick out of my spam email. My blog email doesn't get much except offers of money from Barclay bank, but my personal email gets all sorts of funny ones, mostly Christian dating, Jewish dating, and erection medicines. How do they know me so well?
Kate MacDonald said…
Just click the email spam tag at the end and behold the wonders of my junk filter (sorry if that sounds nasty).
Bellyhead said…
junk junk junk in your trunk?

as long as you're here, why not read more?

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

eat the pain away?

nearly twenty years ago, an emergency room doctor took a look at the crushing muscle tension i was experiencing [they were clenched enough that a doctor at my regular clinic couldn't get a reflex reaction on my left side and thought i might be having a stroke] and told me she believed that i had fibromyalgia. a couple of weeks later, i went to see a family doctor that a coworker had recommended to me. when i told him what the other doctor had said, he snapped that i was being ridiculous, because, if i'd had fibromyalgia, "i wouldn't be able to move". after i moved to toronto, i got a new family doctor and told her what the other doctors had said. she said that she couldn't be sure, but it was better just to deal with any symptoms i had one at a time. then i came back to montreal and got a new family doctor, who didn't really buy into the whole idea of fibromyalgia and said there was no way to do any definitive test anyway. that doctor passed away, and my …

making faces :: chanel's velvet realm

who doesn't love velvet? i know when i was younger, i used to, as george costanza longed to, "drape myself in velvet" and although that phase passed with time, i still think that the plush fabric has to be one of the high points of human achievement, up there with interior heating, advanced medicine and vodka. so to me, it's no surprise that one of the most hotly anticipated launches in the cosmetic world is chanel's new "rouge allure velvet" lipstick line, because even the name immediately makes me want to put it on my lips.

on a more concrete level, chanel describes these lipsticks as "luminous matte", which is sort of like the holy grail for lipstick lovers. we all want those intense, come-hither film noir lips, the sort where young men and sunlight are lost and never heard from again, but historically [including during the making of those films], applying a matte lipstick felt sort of like colouring in your lips with an old crayon that had…