apparently, while he was off in the land of nod, i awakened dom making giggling noises. whatever was going on in my head, i assure you it was friggin' hilarious, but when i tried to explain it to him, all that came out was "i was spitting food!!" which really he didn't find funny enough to warrant being disturbed in the middle of the night. i'm not even sure if he realised that i was trying to explain the joke to him, or if he thought i'd just been sitting in bed, happily spitting food on myself and giggling.
if you've ever had the experience of someone not getting a joke that you think is absolutely hysterical, you know how frustrating it can be. and if you've ever had the experience of being frustrated by something when you're half-asleep, you know that frustration can quickly escalate to childish rage, because you just can't rationalise what's happening.
so my brain got a full charge of child rage and then- and this was really the biggest mistake- fell back to sleep.
wherein it plotted its revenge.
its revenge was to give me some bizarre nightmare where some guy got poisoned while "the great muppet caper" played in the background and the police were investigating and questioning everyone and i did my interview and totally aced it, but then i stood at the front of the room where we were all being held temporarily and i was wearing a dark red silk dress that had a bit of a tear under the armpit and i started jumping up and down and laughing and repeating "i did it! i did it!" because i wanted everyone, police and colleagues, to understand that i'd been so damn clever and gotten away with murder. [although i apparently hadn't thought through the strategy terribly well, because normally if you've gotten away with murder, you don't want to publicise.]
in the real world, outside of my muppet movie murder meltdown, this manifested as me cackling in a profoundly evil and disturbing way. it started off quiet enough, but grew louder and crazier in short order. and then louder and crazier still.
having had enough, dom poked me in the side and said "honey, you're scaring me".
at which point my laughter became a scream. and not just a quick "eeek!!", either. instead, the steady stream of laughter became a steady stream of
and then i woke up and my brain's errant night watchman once again did the only thing he knows how to do, which is release arseloads of dopamine so that i got the giggles.
except that i knew my giggling was somehow frightening, so i tried to stifle the noise, which meant that i sort of laid in bed for the next twenty minutes making what sounded like soft pig noises. i'm sure that was much more soothing than laughter.
none of this would have happened if dom had just seen the humour in me spitting food.
the image above is an iteration of the horrifying houseguest meme. find more here.