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more like space greatest hits :: fearful spammetry

please just let me whine at you a little; oh god i am so sick!!!! why am i even here? not just on this business trip, i mean on this planet. i can't even remember the last time a cold got me this bad. this is a phlegm-festival straight from satan's nostrils. also i coughed up blood earlier. not because there's anything terribly wrong, it's just that i've coughed so much that bits are starting to come loose. i'm supposed to go to a client dinner tonight, which i predict will result in us losing several accounts and a couple of lawsuits.

here's a poem i wrote from bits of email spam.


spam mail is useless you say? NOT SO! for instance, it can be used to create new and interesting things, such as this little poem i threw together entirely from the bung in my spam filter...

If you have any difficulty seeing the contents of this email, please click
What stops loving
It’s about you or no?
Your loads of pleasure
Accumulator of your desire
Become virile like a rabbit
Make her your rod’s slave
You’ll surprise her with your hulk
Blow her with your hormones
Become a perpetuum mobile of love
This is, indeed, to ride like an angel in the whirlwind and direct the storm:
like an angel whose mercy is equal to his power.

If you have any difficulty seeing the contents of this email, please click
Hey, why do you not write?
Please answer me
It’s about you or no?
What stops loving
Stop night fails!
Nothing heals better
Set your wife on fire
Uplong our dignity
Please read
I am very unhappy without you

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Why do you cost me?
Economy in crisis and you
We care about your body
Natural to his age, nay his fortune and his blood, on the altar of our liberty.
STOP your pain NOW
Buy cheap Vicodin (hydrocodone)
Be active and want more girls
Get maximum form love
It’s about you or no?
I keep coming upon such thoughtful gifts which you sent to us
Your private video here

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as long as you're here, why not read more?


i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:

am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: soft touch

ah winter, how my lips hate you. it's too bad, really, because the rest of me likes winter, down to about -12 or so. but there's no arguing that i get dried out. nuxe rĂªve de miel is my super best friend at this time of year, even more so than otherwise. [i gave bite's agave lip mask a try only to find out i'm allergic to something in it.] but our [still] new apartment is somewhat drier than the old one [electric vs hot water heating], which meant that, for a long stretch, virtually every kind of lipstick was uncomfortable. the horror. [i wrote a post a while back about the formulas that are friendliest to chapped lips.]

faced with this dilemma, i decided to try something not exactly new, but [for me], out of the ordinary: being a gloss girl. now, i don't mind glosses. i buy them from time to time, and i used to buy more until i discovered that i just wasn't using them near enough to justify the continued purchases. my issues with glosses are that they feather…

making faces :: a lip for all seasons [summer edition]

this may seem like an odd time to think about summer, but not to think about coolness. it can be hard to wrap your head around the idea that summer is considered "cool" in colour analysis terms and, in my opinion, reads as the coolest of the cool, because everything in it is touched with the same chilly grey. winter may have the coldest colours, but its palette is so vivid that it distracts the eye. everything in summer is fresh and misty, like the morning sky before the sun breaks through. in my original post on the season, i compared it to monet's paintings of waterlilies at his garden in giverny and, if i do say so, i think that's an apt characterisation.

finding lip colours touched with summer grey and blue is, as you might expect, kind of tricky. the cosmetic world seems obsessed with bringing warmth, which doesn't recognise that some complexions don't support it well. [also, different complexions support different kinds of warmth, but that's another…