Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from November, 2012

friday favourites 30.11.12

i've come to the realisation that the hallmark of humility is when you continue to have a voice inside
you that whispers "you have no idea what the hell you're doing" when you open your mouth to say something impressive. today, i had to talk a senior person in a far-flung country about which i know precious little; i could find it on a map, name its capital and perhaps a couple of other cities and tell you
 that i have no idea how to pronounce anyone's last name. that's seriously about it. i might be able to name a noise artist or two from there. i'm sitting there, talking this person who's much more experienced than me, through a plan to bring something to market and all the time i'm just hearing that voice: "woman, you are just making this shit up as you go along." of course, the upside is that as i've gotten older, i've realised that most people have that voice and that most people really are just making shit up as they go al…

making faces :: beautiful feathers flock together

a friend of mine has this genius for coming up with horrible, fish-themed puns, which is something i greatly admire. i mean, we all know people who are skilled at wordplay, but i feel like he's really established a beach-head in the pescatory punning field- a true specialist. and the reason i mention this is because if i'm going to keep reviewing eye shadows by rouge bunny rouge, i am going to have to hone similar skills in making jokes about birds, just so that i always have something clever to use as a title. and i have pretty much decided that i want their entire flock, gaggle or murder- whatever bird-brained moniker you want to apply- to come home to roost in my makeup collection.

of course, i've been so delighted with their consistently high quality and their charming victorian fairytale marketing that i'm eager to explore everything the brand has to offer, but their shadows do hold a special place in my heart.

my most recent foray into their nesting grounds incl…

up against the wal[mart]

ok, if you're a regular reader of this blog, you know where i stand, but if you're new, let me be up front: i hate walmart. pretty much everything they do, i would do the reverse. anything they hold to be a virtue strikes me as a vice and, i would dare to say, their management would believe the same about me. that hasn't stopped me from courting them. i've worked with companies who supplied them and my personal efforts were dedicated to increasing their business. but that's not what made me hate them. if anything, working closely with them gave me a sense of admiration for their ruthless efficiency. in all honesty, it's like a newbie fbi agent looking at the work of an adept serial killer. it's hard not to be impressed by the craft, divorced from the real-world results.

but somehow, when i first heard the story of a garment factory burning to the ground and killing over a hundred people in bangladesh, i couldn't help but think that walmart's hand w…

making faces :: a warm glow

it happened today. i went outside to find that i had overestimated the temperature because of the lovely, honey-amber sunlight and azure sky. when i first left my building and started on my voyage to find coffee, i was filled with a sense of the poetry of the early winter, the chill in the air, the brightening of the cheek, the increased coursing of blood through my body. i think i even smiled as i relished how very clean the city air felt- though i knew it was the same air that always met me, a decline in temperature always serves to mask its impurities.

and then i walked around the corner and met mr. southwesterly gust. goodbye poetry of early winter, hello muttering to myself in the "cursive tense".

i had a warm enough sweater on, but the problem was it wasn't warm enough for today. and i'd gotten cocky, eschewing scarf and hat, thinking "i'm just going for a quick walk", although even then, thoughts of a sunday afternoon stroll had entered my head. i…

post-friday favourites 24.11.12

after careful thought, i've determined that the kid in the song "puff the magic dragon" has got to be the biggest asshole in the history of fictional children. i mean seriously, he spends his childhood with an honest-to-god dragon, who takes him to his personal kingdom and plays with him, presumably because the kid is too small to even make a decent hors d'oeuvre.

and what happens as the kid grows older? he decides he's totally over having a dragon and that he wants to go be a lawyer or an accountant or some such nonsense, because that's what normal people do.

seriously???? do you know what normal people dream about? having their own freakin' dragon! whatever you want in life, whatever the path you choose, nothing will ever get you those things faster than starting a conversation with "hey, let me show you my motherfucking dragon". you want money? women? power? having your own dragon would mean that your path to the presidency of the world woul…

the cheating curve

this post is about dj's.

it has nothing to do with david petraeus or his mistress[es] or any of the other people who are involved in that sordid story because, despite the fact that i love seeing a bunch of republicans make asses of themselves in public, i stand by my original tweet on the matter: unless it's in my ear, i really don't care where the general puts his wiener.

i was mulling this over on the way into work this morning because i had some time, haven't chosen a new book having just loped through stig larsen's "millennium" trilogy [about a hundred years after everyone else in the world, i realise] and because i started playing around with an app on my phone that allows you to play dj with the music you have on hand. it's even set up to look like a little dj station, where you plop your chosen mp3s onto turntables and can spin them together just like they were real [although very, very small]. it's a fun way to pass the time and also, po…

it still counts as a plan

really, my plans today involve cleaning the place, which is very noble, until you consider the fact that it's afternoon and i'm talking about my plans for the day as if it isn't already half over, or as if i didn't already waste time because it would be ridiculous to expect that i could do housework while i'm still finishing my coffee, which i'm doing at a pace that could generously be called tectonic. and, of course, it was important that i stop to play around with what colours to put on my face, because having the right lipstick is really super-important when you're vacuuming. and it's important to keep up on breaking news, which is why i had to pause and watch something on the discovery channel about the assassinations of american presidents. i'd hate to miss the one show where they're finally able to reveal some footage of a dude on the grassy knoll with a sniper's rifle.

in fact, a lot of my weekends end up like this, with a grand plan …

making faces :: cinematic dreams with "nouvelle vague"

ah, paris. is there any city that has for so long inspired the imagination in so many different ways? that's a rhetorical question, because there isn't. new york is working on it, but just doesn't have the history yet and will likely never have that quintessential french-ness that americans pretend to hate but which makes their heart flutter nonetheless. through the ages, paris has morphed so that it is always where the coolest things are happening, where the coolest people are living and where life is always a mix of food and art and fashion and sex.


how cool is paris? in the wake of world war ii, after the french army had collapsed and the rhythm of the city was that of nazi jackboots, parisians shook off their doldrums and stole back cinema. although france had been home to some of the pioneers of the medium, there was no doubt that america had taken over as its rulers. but just to show that even after everything they had been through, france could still find ways of loo…

friday favourites 16.11.12

today is my day to be a reprobate. well, actually, yesterday was too, but we went to visit dom's parents, which isn't exactly reprobate activity. his parents are lovely people and seem to like me, which shouldn't be counted against them since they don't really get to see me all that often. in fact, i was very well-bahaved yesterday, because i didn't even rush out to celebrate the arrival of the beaujolais nouveau, those young, fruity wines that come on the market every year at this time and give us all an excuse to drink a lot and pretend like we're connoisseurs. [most connoisseurs i've met won't go anywhere near beaujolais nouveau and insist it tastes like melted popsicles, which it sometimes does, but they're melted popsicles filled with alcohol, which sounds way more interesting.]

since i'm taking today [and took yesterday] as vacation, this week should have been relaxed, but it's an extremely busy time at work and i was trying to plan f…

do we really have to cover this again?

i have a pair of boots that came in a box that read "made from genuine black kid leather". it kinda threw me when i first saw it, because i didn't even think that was legal, much less something you'd want to advertise, but gradually it dawned on me that the manufacturer meant to highlight the use of soft, supple goat leather. i still tossed the box, because no one needs to find any more evidence of cannibalism and murder in my house. [ok, it's not cannibalism if you're making them into clothing, but they don't have a term for that yet.]

the point of me sharing that is to illustrate that there are moments where meaning can become confused and you end up thinking that someone said something really horrible when they actually meant something totally innocuous. like the time i told dom not to get his knickers in a knot and he thought i'd said something pretty offensive [and nonsensical if you think about it, which you probably shouldn't]. such things…

making faces :: inspired by "saucy jack"

amidst everything else happening in this past week, it probably escaped the notice of almost everyone that this past week marked the 124th anniversary of the end of the terror waged by a killer known to history as "jack the ripper". his last confirmed or "canonical" victim, mary jane kelly [also known as marie jeanette kelly] was found in the room she was letting in the early morning of november 9th, 1888.

i was reminded of this because i picked up a nail polish by the name of "saucy jack". i'm not exactly sure what possessed butter london when naming the brilliant deep cherry-red gel-finish [which looks almost exactly like the varnish on a candy apple], but for people like me who label themselves "amateur ripperologists", it's easy to catch the reference to the infamous "saucy jack letter", supposedly penned by the notorious serial killer and sent as a taunt to police. [although still controversial, this letter is one of the v…

republican recap :: nuts and dolts and angry birds

i'm trying to adjust to life without the american election. after all, being a smartass on twitter and on this blog is what gives my life meaning and, since we're not in the middle of any electoral cycle- at least none that i'm following actively- i'm feeling a little lost.

which is why i thought i'd offer my entirely unsolicited opinion to the american republican party. now, i'm happy that the election results came out the way they did. i'd have been even happier if the democrats had taken over congress and paved the way for unfettered socialism and the mass-scale redistribution of wealth which is so clearly their priority.

but after watching the whole republican nomination process for months on end, i feel a sort of... well, actually, i don't feel anything. i admit i stayed up late on tuesday in the hopes that i'd get to see some of them cry, but i do feel that a democracy functions best when there is an effective opposition to the party in power.…

dj kali and mr. dna @ the caustic lounge 07.11.12

some people are just not meant to be organised and responsible. yesterday, i did something i rarely do: i actually planned out my dj set and put the play list on a note on my phone. i didn't fill in every last minute, but i had a pretty comprehensive list and i even burned a bunch of songs to one cd so that i wouldn't have to do a lot of switching around. it was very clever, although it did result in us getting there with no time to spare, meaning dom got to eat his dinner while doing his set, which really pisses him off and, to make things worse, he had to do all this with me sitting at the dj table staring and making him uncomfortable, because le cagibi was already full up. but it was all ok, at least for me. i knew i was going to have a nice, relaxed dj set, because i'd planned in advance. 

you can see where this is heading. 

no sooner had i taken my place behind the dj table and opened my playlist to confirm my first few tracks then it just disappeared. i wasted a good f…

spook house

It is then that the great house starts to move, rattling forward, a body stricken with delirium tremens,pockets of dust shaken loose as our anchors are raised and we experience the thrill of momentum building,slow a while and then picking up a little speed, picking itself up, floating like a spirit above the road.The old haunted house with its leprechaun of a host, his costume folded around him, leaves of a head of lettuce turning brown.
"Welcome aboard one and all," he cries."Take care to stay well backFrom the edge and keep a lookoutFor as it fliesThe house plays gameswith weary eyes."
We've not been here in years, have we? Have we been here then at all? Us together, as we are now?I would swear we have, watching the same astounded faces on other people asking how the house knows where to go. It does seem I have heard those voices, their uneasy murmurs betraying that underlying fearthat this is no trick at all, that the place is really bewitched. No festival rid…