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look at the souvenirs i didn't buy in switzerland

by a weird fluke, i found myself in switzerland with no ability to get money and no money on hand. that sucked in a lot of ways, because i always like to buy a map of the city/ country i'm in while i'm traveling. [i've prohibited myself from purchasing a map in advance of a trip because of that unseemly incident back in 2005.] it also sucked because it meant that i couldn't buy the gorgeous europe-only shade of yves st. laurent's new "rouge pur couture- les mats" lipstick called "prune virgin", which is not only named after an underrated irish band, but which is also just a perfectly me shade of deep shiraz purple-red.

but in other ways, it's a good thing that i couldn't get money, because that's probably all that stopped me from buying stuff like this ::

ok, let's start with the predictable, which is that i wanted the entire window display at prada on banhofstrasse. choosing one pair would have been too difficult. i will take all the pairs, please. and i will pay by credit card. someone else's.


and it's just too typical to get a cow. although a cow dressed as michael jackson might have been slightly more acceptable.


a cowbell the size of my torso was vaguely appealing, if only because i could imagine it freaking out some underpaid baggage handlers if i were able to fit it in a suitcase. i also think it would have guaranteed that my baggage left the plane pretty damn fast upon arrival.


and no, i wasn't tempted to get a gnome, which would also be cliche, but when i saw this in tiny, touristy appenzell, i was tempted to get all the gnomes, just so i could watch dom's reaction when i organised them in military formation in front of our door and then called in a set of demands to avoid war from a nearby pay phone. then again, he lives with me, so i suspect he's getting used to that sort of thing.


this would also have been totally cliche, except that it was about fifteen feet long. size trumps cliche. it's an international rule.


of course, this was like a sign reading "giant gift shop for kate"


unfortunately, they only had a couple of things on the wall i could have stolen and given the general decor, i sort of thought they might have noticed they were missing...


besides, why would i want old stuff when i could easily have bought a giant chrome brain with strawberries sprouting out of it?


ok, to be fair, when dom saw this, he couldn't understand why i didn't buy it. yes, it was about two feet tall and yes, it probably weighed about eighty pounds, but seriously, what's a better souvenir than a great big bronze statue of a bear taking a dump?


i think dom's secret fear was that i was going to come home with this guy, because i texted him pictures saying how happy i was that i'd made a friend on my travels and how i was almost certain that the large number of bug bites i received were not due to his giving me fleas. but come on, look at him. he was totally flirting with me.


so those are all the awesome things i could have [would have] bought in switzerland if my bank card had worked. also, i'll bet you're pretty happy you're not dom right now.

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