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the everyday olympics!

i do not want to see 2 or 1
why should our bi-bi-annual celebration of psychical human achievement be limited to those tests that require strength, commitment and training? surely those of us who go through our lives patting ourselves on the back every time we take the stairs instead of the elevator deserve something to mark our accomplishments. after all, we do these things without trainers, meaning that we have only ourselves to rely on.

here are a few sports i think i'd be a medal contender for:

napping. i kick ass at napping. for someone who has so many problems with insomnia, when i want to sleep, it is really, really difficult to keep me awake. i often annoy dom with my ability to sleep on a dime, including at times when he's trying to talk to me, but i secretly think that he really just envies my ability to nap because he gets all screwed up and either can't relax enough to sleep or sleeps too long.

feline support. i don't mean supporting them by buying them food and litter and that sort of thing [although i'm good at that too], but i've evolved ways of doing all sorts of things while allowing a cat [or cats] to rest on me. like posting blogs. you have no idea how many of these blogs are posted with seth on my lap. obviously, i could combine this with skill #1, but that's almost too easy.

reaching things in high places. it's a fact of life at my size that there are going to be a lot of things out of your reach. like half the stuff in your kitchen, because the kitchen has not been built that can accommodate all of my stuff within an arm's length. and it's funny, because despite my almost cartoonish clumsiness in virtually every other aspect of my life, i have acquired a remarkable skill in getting things down from high places without resorting to the help of another. i drop things that are firmly in my grip, but i can coax a heavy casserole dish off a shelf higher than i am with my arms fully extended, using nought but my fingertips.

tiny, neat writing. of course, you can't tell this from reading stuff i type here, but my writing is kind of like a circus sideshow. people get hypnotised by it, even when they're supposed to be paying attention to something else. the truth is, i've always had tiny writing, ever since i was around eight or nine. when i started university, i tried making myself write larger so that i could work faster, but it felt unnatural and i abandoned the effort. i consider it environmentally responsible, because i use less paper.

"blind" lipstick application. i can get it exactly in the right spot without a mirror. that's right. i know where my lips are without checking, at all times.

so what special sports would you compete in? what would your gold medal events be?

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