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the people on the bus go round and round

there are a number of ways for me to negotiate the space between my home and my office. the fastest is the spiffy new express bus line, which is what i've taken in the mornings, but in the evenings, i've been more lax and have ended up taking the "scenic" route, or rather one of two scenic routes, which go through different areas of suburban industrial parks, although one does pass by the fairy castle, which kind of counts as scenic. if you're into gaudy fairy castles.

today, i specifically left on time to catch the express bus home and, like any normal person, i went to the stop on the opposite side of the road to where i disembark in the morning.

except when going in the opposite direction, the bus is actually going in the same direction it is in the morning. say what? it's true. somehow, the bus bends time and space and so the northbound [which is really westbound but the stm calls it northbound] bus i take in the morning is still northbound when it passes itself going down the same street in the opposite direction. how the hell is that even possible, stm???

anyway, after bouncing around the intersection for twenty minutes and consulting the stm's mobile app, which refuses to even acknowledge the existence of the express bus if you ask it to plan a route for you and tells you the southbound stop has been moved WITHOUT TELLING YOU WHERE when you search the bus route, my phone's gps tells me that the southbound stop [although the bus is really going east] is actually the very same stop where i arrive in the morning, going north, which is really west.

bottom line, i spent way too much time sitting in the sun, watching a lot of buses go to places i didn't want to go until, on the advice of my phone, i got on the bus at my morning stop, which is theoretically taking me even further away from home with every rotation of its tires.

i have no idea where i am, other than being around a building that makes tiles and a building that makes cables and to be honest, i'm not even sure about that, because i'm not certain i got the french word for "tiles" correct, so it could be a building that makes cyanide pills for secret agents. perhaps montreal is the world capital of cyanide pills and they're hiding the factory somewhere in a rift in the fabric of dimensional space.

i'm sort of hoping that the bus eventually stops somewhere, if only because i'm sure i'll eventually need to pee.

in the meantime, at least i scored a seat.

oh, and dom just texted to ask if i was waiting for the rain to stop. below is a picture of the sky where i am. obviously, i'm not getting home any time soon...

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…