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why writers drink

"there's a file on here with a name i don't recognise."

"when the heck did i write this? it's kind of confusing."

"oh wait, i see now. i was playing around with the perspective. kind of clever, if i do say so myself."

"i seriously have no recollection of this getting written at all, although the ideas seem kind of familiar."

"this is actually pretty good. better than a lot of the stuff i can remember writing. whatever i was on at the time, i should take it more often."

"with a little clean-up, i think i could submit this for publication. amazing! it's like i somehow wrote myself a little present that i could find and use later. or my computer can do this on its own, which would be a great trick, but wouldn't really give me the same feeling of self-satisfaction. or the cats have evolved. julia, why are you looking at me like that???"

"hm, i haven't left myself a lot of space to get all these things resolved. i hope i didn't cut it off too abruptly." [that's what she said. -ed.]

"unfinished??? unfinished???? you fictional piece of octopus crap! you led me on! i thought i had something and it turns out that i'd started it, forgotten about it and now have absolutely no bloody idea where i was going with it?!?!!! i will take pleasure in deleting your letters, one by one, so i can watch you die!!!!"

"did i just threaten a word document?"

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…