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retroperspective

i started writing an annual "birthday post" here and then realised i had to stop because as much as it was depressing me to write it, there was no way i wanted to inflict it on the rest of the world. it kind of comes down to the fact that my entire year can be represented thus:

the double-edged sword
although now that i think of it, that might not be the best metaphor, because a real double-edged sword is actually just one that's capable of killing you and slicing you like lunch meat from a variety of different angles. and while i find that the last year has been trying, i don't think anything has actually been trying to kill me. [i'm not certain, mind you, and i have been given to think that i've pissed off a few deities, but that's it, really.]

what i mean by the double-edged sword is what people usually mean when they use that expression: that it seems like all of my silver linings have had a pretty thick, smoggy grey cloud around them. i was starting to enumerate the modest accomplishments i've had in the last year and it seemed like each of them could, nay should be followed by the words "yeah, but..."

i'd be tempted to look for the year's silver lining and say that "at least it's over, but then i remember that speech queen elizabeth ii did at the end of the year back in the nineties, where she referred to her family's "annis horribilis" and then the next year was about a thousand times worse. there's no way that i'm inviting that on my head by assuming that i've left the woods.

so i'm simply going to concentrate on positive icons that i'd like to think will represent the coming year for me. like this guy:

 
suck my ash
what would be more fulfilling than rising out of whatever burning mess i've managed to create, reborn as an immortal and powerful being. that can fly.

or something like this:

without the beard
yeah, i want a year i can look back at and think that it was marked by by proud march over the bodies of the stupid, ignorant and generally annoying to ultimate victory.

at the very least, i'd like to be the one holding the sword at the end of next year.

and by the way, clouds don't have silver linings, either. even if i'd never been in a plane, i'd know that because silver is heavy and it would fall right through. so maybe this will just be the year that i stop using inappropriate expressions and i'll have to be happy with that.

oh and dom is playing the theme music to "the omen", while i'm typing this, because life isn't scary enough already.

Comments

Biba said…
I wish you a year that you want and that you'll be the one holding the sword at the same time next year!
flora_mundi said…
thanks very much! i remain hopeful, which is really the only thing one can do...

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