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what dreams may come...

this one is really to good not to share:

we've all had dreams where we felt sick because in reality we were sick and we've all had the stupid dreams about our teeth. i think this was sort of a combination of both.

is this a good look for me?
i dreamt last night that it was just before christmas and my right eye somehow popped out. only i couldn't go right to the doctor, because dom and i were expected first by my mother's family [which was inexplicably huge] and then by his family for holiday dinner. other than dom, who seemed concerned that i get help, everyone was annoyed that i kept bringing up the fact that i was carrying my eye around in a baggy, because it was sort of a drag on the festivities. they kept reassuring me that doctors would be able to pop it back in no problem, or they'd stick a piece of glass in there, good as new, or i'd just be able to freak people out with a weird hollow socket for the rest of my life. and no one other than dom seemed to realise why these options were a bit upsetting.

we were finally able to make our way to the emergency ward, but no one there seemed in a great hurry to help me either. of course, the emergency ward had a vast makeup counter and a bakery and the people working there did seem to take the situation seriously. the makeup counter girls were eager to find me a more sturdy vehicle in which to transport my eye than the sandwich baggy i was carrying and were able to give me some potions that would act as better preservatives than tap water on paper towels. still, there were a lot of people at the emergency ward and the nurse checking people in asked if i wouldn't mind waiting until after the new year's holiday to get my problem dealt with. "why does it bother no one that i'm missing an eye???"

that's a lot of parts to reattach
although people were being polite about not pointing and screaming or anything, i'm aware of how hideous the gaping hole in my face must look. when i get up the courage to look in the mirror, though, i see a white globe where my eye should be. it occurs to me that my eye has rolled all the way around and that, with concentration, i should be able to get it rolled back in place, although it would still require some sort of medical intervention to secure it and stop it from rolling like one of those marbles in desktop fountains. even my left eye at that point is so weak that i can barely open it.

of course, immediately afterward, it occurs to me that if, in fact, my right eye is unsecured but still in my head, i've been running around all this time with someone else's eye in a ziploc bag. uh-oh.

at that point, i woke up, very confused. i was particularly confused because, even though i was awake, my eyes still did not want to open more than a slit and second, because i had the exact same excruciating pain in my right eye that i'd had in the dream. and, of course, i couldn't find a baggy in the bed.

not coming after me
i shook dom awake and started his day by asking "are both my eyes still there?" i'm quite amazed he continues to put up with me when little surprises like this keep greeting him. when he told me that both eyes were there, i paused, trying to figure everything out. then it occurred to me: i had a my migraine. i wasn't even aware until comparatively recently that i got migraines, but i do and they are almost entirely focused on my right eye. i'm lucky in that they pass fairly quickly and that i don't get the nausea associated with them, but they do sometimes make me go quite blind on the right side and they can cause a lot of pain in that area. and now, apparently, they can make me dream that one of my eyes has popped out.

four hours and several codeine + caffeine pills later, i will say that my eyes are still noticeably puffy, but the good news is that they're not going anywhere.

and the other good news is that i haven't run off with some unfortunate other person's eye.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…