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the never-ending story

ring ring

hello?

hello, may i speak to kathleen macdonald?

yes, this is she.

ms. macdonald, i am calling from bell canada regarding your past due account.

this is not the number you should be calling, my friend.

really?

look carefully at your screen. do you see a note on there that i am waiting on a credit from you, in order to clear the balance of my current account?

oh, yes, i see that you are supposed to be getting a credit, but it doesn't tell me when.

can you see what my billing cycle is?

oh, yes, it says you'll be getting your final bill on november 14th.

you mean today.

yes

so why are you calling me if you can see that there's an issue with the account that's pending and that i've already spent nearly four hours on the phone with you getting it resolved? i was told that i wouldn't be getting any more phone calls.

well it's an automatic dialer.

why hasn't my number been removed from the automatic dialer?

i guess the last person you talked to didn't do that.

the last person i talked to told me that the person before him was supposed to have done it.

i don't know why he didn't remove your name, ma'am.

[continue dialogue along these lines until a promise that my name is being removed at that very moment is extracted.]

congratulations adam from bell. (and i can only assume that you're prohibited from giving out last names because of the inevitable crank calls to your homes.) you are one more idiot in my rogue's gallery.

Comments

Kiefer and Emo said…
I spent 5 months with free electricity once because the meter was broken. They never asked for that money and every month my bill said 73 cents franchise fee. I live for those moments.

So do I.
Zero said…
Phone companies are so dehumanizing.

I did see you under my bed when I was eight!
Aaron Fenwick said…
This is looking like corporate incompetence of truly biblical proportions... I do feel a little sorry for the next poor sap who will inevitably call... (Insert walking into the Lion's den style metaphor)
flora_mundi said…
you are right to fear for him, aaron. i've reached the point where i'm actually looking forward to the next assault on my privacy... who knows what horrors lurk...

as long as you're here, why not read more?

fun-raising

no, i am not dead, nor have i been lying incapacitated in a ditch somewhere. i've mostly been preparing for our imminent, epic move, which is actually not so terribly epic, because we found a place quite close to where we are now. in addition, i've been the beneficiary of an inordinately large amount of paying work, which does, sadly, take precedence over blogging, even though you know i'd always rather be with you.

indeed, with moving expenses and medical expenses looming on the horizon, more than can be accounted for even with the deepest cuts in the lipstick budget, dom and i recently did something that we've not done before: we asked for help. last week, we launched a fundraising campaign on go fund me. it can be difficult to admit that you need a helping hand, but what's been overwhelming for both of us is how quick to respond so many people we know have been once we asked. it's also shocking to see how quickly things added up.

most of all, though, the ex…

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just a short time ago, i waxed prosaic about trump supporters who felt betrayed by their candidate pursuing in office the exact things that he said he would. short version: i have no sympathy.

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after the united states election last year, there were the usual calls for the country to unite behind the new president. that never happens anymore, because, since george w. bush scored a victory in 2004, having launched the country into a war in iraq for no reason, the people on the losing side of a presidential election have been pretty bloody angry about it. democrats hated bush 43. republicans really hated obama. democrats really hate trump.

it didn't help that trump didn't make the typical conciliatory gestures like including a couple of members of the opposite party in his cabinet, or encouraging his party to proceed slowly with contentious legislation. barack obama arguably wasted at least two and as many as six years of his tenure as president trying to play peacemaker before he felt sufficiently safe to just say "screw you guys" and start governing around the ridiculous congress he was forced to deal with. not-giving-a-shit obama was the best president in …