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diet diary, part 7

oh yeah... you know that feeling of accomplishment that you get when you finally succeed at something that has previously frustrated you? i got that this week.

the last time that i was somewhat happy with my weight was when i moved to toronto, when i dropped a bunch of weight following a period of stress that had tested the limits of my waist bands. at that time, i purchased a jacket for a formal function i was attending. it was a very tailored look, so when the weight came back (with extra), it suddenly became a lot less flattering and a lot more embarrassing.

this week, i had a meeting that required a somewhat formal look, so i figured, given my recent success, that i would give the old jacket a shot. and what do you know? it fits just as well as when i first got it.

it's sort of ironic to me that, while i was always sensitive about my weight, i never paid much attention to it (didn't really diet, didn't get freaked out by changes...). it was only after i had been in toronto a few months, exposed to people who fretted over going to the gym, counted calories, fought to lower their pants size and the like that i developed a full-blown sense of inadequacy. as far as i can tell, people in toronto have a compulsion to worry. and that worrying can lead to all sorts of bd things, including weight gain. by refusing to let myself get freaked out about being on a diet, refusing to hold myself to a predetermined set of goals, i've not only been successful at what i set out to do, i've managed to erase some of the damage that gets done when you live in an atmosphere that promotes worry. i'm returning to the person i was before a lot of this stuff started to get to me.

i guess sometimes regression can be a good thing.

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