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diet diary, part 4

ah, the long haul wherein it becomes very difficult to see progress... i guess since i had started to see results relatively quickly, i got a little spoiled. now that i can't see anything happening, i'm getting a little frustrated.

equally frustrating is that i'm able to see where the weight has come off and it all seems to come from weird areas. well, some are weird at least. i can see a little difference in my thighs and backside, which are areas women are supposed to care about, but which have always been the areas that have been the last to gain and the first to lose on me. (actually, i've always taken it as a sign that i need to start dieting when i see my thighs get bigger, since that means i've grown everywhere else.)

there's no sign whatsoever of a reduction in size of the tire on my gut, which is what i'm trying to achieve, but i'm trying to gain patience by remembering that this is probably the last area to experience weight loss.

so where else is it coming off? my hands, for starters, which i would not have thought was even possible (my hands have alwas bordered on bony, no matter my body weight) and my neck. how the hell do you lose weight on your neck? i don't think that has ever happened to me before, but it's served as a little bit of encouragement. having seen it (and tested it with a snug collared shirt), i like my new, slightly leaner neck.

returning to the hands for a moment, i believe that this is something that can be attributed not to weight loss, but to the fact that i have significantly cut down my intake of high sodium foods, so i am likely retaining less water than before. this knowledge is something that has come to me through the process of dieting which, ironically, forces one to become a little obsessive about food. i didn't even want to be, but once you try cutting down, you have to start thinking about other things. what things are going to give your body what it needs? what can you eat that is going to make you actually feel full without making you fat? it's a slippery slope once you start, because one virtuous inclination begets a need for information, information the average person doesn't have.

food may be necessary, but our relationship with it is largely opaque. i am in a minority because i enjoy cooking and because i generally avoid highly processed foods whose ingredients i can actually pronounce. people are becoming alienated from the food that keeps them alive at the same time they are consuming more of it. food's revenge is the damage a lot of it does to our systems, damage that can remain invisible for years. in that regard, dieting functions as a sort of relationship counsellor, opening up the lines of communication.

i told a friend this weekend that this little experiment was not just one that would get me to lose weight (it is that, of course). what i'd like to get from this are smarter habits where food is concerned. i'm of an age where such things are going to matter more and where i'm old enough to have no patience left for relationships that are dysfunctional.

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