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eat the cup, part 5


in an era of spoiled, overpaid athletic stars, one can lose sight of the toughness that is required to play a sport. don’t believe me? the temperatures in central canada this week are similar to those in germany. go out and try to run the area of a soccer field for ninety minutes and see how you feel. (assuming you don’t die in the effort, in which case you will feel nothing.)

to that end, it’s hardly surprising that the ukraine claimed a major victory today. because ukrainians are tough, tough people.

their team started off the tournament with what was the single most lopsided score (until argentina eclipsed it) to date, getting crushed by the spanish armada. that’s a harsh way to start things.

then again, one could say that protesting for two and a half weeks in the freezing cold under constant threat from the police is a pretty harsh way to start a government, but the ukrainian people seemed up to the task.

so in honour of their victory over saudi arabia (which erased the substantial goal deficit inflicted on them by the first game), tonight’s meal is inspired by the cuisine of the ukraine.

i struggled with this a bit (wouldn’t it just be easier to cook spanish food again...), for two main reasons:

1. originating as it does from a cold climate, much ukrainian cuisine (like other eastern european cuisines, of which it is essentially a variant) is more suited to the winter than the summer.

2. i have to admit, i don’t like a lot of eastern european food. i’m not overly fond of either sausages or cooked cabbage, both of which are featured rather heavily.

on the other hand, i am tremendously fond of beets, which means i can safely enjoy a great helping of borscht.

what i should say is that i’m tremendously fond of eating beets. cooking them is another matter entirely. they are dense, fibrous buggers that take a shocking amount of time to cook (to say nothing of cooling and skinning) and that tend to make a righteous mess. cooking them means basically resigning yourself to the fact that your home is going to be steamy, going to be mysteriously flecked with splatters of magenta that cling better than 90% of commercial dyes and going to reek of beet smell for the foreseeable future.

the reward is that you get something that is hearty and comforting. the perfect dish for when you need to steel yourself. the kind of thing that helps reinforce your inner toughness.

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…