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learning not to fly

everyone has their annoying personality quirks. some people have a bad temper. some people are insecure (i mean, moreso than the rest of us). some people lie. mine is a little bit trickier for me to define. it's not exactly a competitive streak, not exactly perfectionism, but it has elements of both. whenever i get involved with something, anything, i have to be in charge of it, i have to be the best one at it, no matter what it happens to be.
 
recently, for instance, there was a senior position open at the place where i work. i got my nose out of joint over the fact that i didn't believe i got the consideration for it that i deserved (maybe i did, maybe i didn't). i managed to get myself quite cross over this and was probably a holy terror to deal with in the office. here's the kicker: i don't really want the job. i mean, everyone likes to be promoted, but i'm actually pretty happy with the balance i've managed to achieve. the fact is, i'd rather come home at the end of the day and have some energy to put into writing, which has always been my primary interest, rather than coming home and wanting to sleep or drink because i can't get my mind out of the office.
 
so why would i want to change that? well, for starters, it seems like there is a lot of pressure on people in general to progress, to move forward. and it's probably easier to move forward in your job, which does take up the majority of your waking hours, if you're employed full time, than it is to pursue personal projects, creative goals, etc. jobs are set up to allow people to progress if they want (and if management wants you to). many other things are not so easy to navigate.
 
where my particular personal foibles come in is that i'm aware of every opportunity for progress that comes in front of me, but i am still learning to sort out which ones are actually worth pursuing. really, what this works out to is that i have trouble prioritising. if you constantly feel the need to be the best person at everything you're doing, it stands to resaon that you're probably not going to succeed very often, because your efforts are going to be spread so thin that there won't be a lot of you going into any of these projects.
 
so this is my project for the coming days, figuring out what opportunities are available to me at the moment and figuring out which ones are really worth my time. guaranteed, most of them are just things that aren't going to make me a better or happier person.

perhaps i'll be able to set aside a few minutes at the office to look at this, since i don't have a boatload of new responsibilities to take care of.
 

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jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…